No longer as truthful as should be deserved, some names, places and events deliberately vague to protect identities that aren't mine

Monday, 11 January 2010


Academics come out with the best humour at times.

Today's introductory dynamics lecture was based primarily around train problems. You know the ones; train A leaves london at 80 miles an hour at 1900, train B leaves edinburgh at 100 miles an hour at 1930, where does the horrific crash happen etc... There was even an episode of Sabrina The Teenage Witch based around this, the episode where she (failed initially) to get her Witch's License. So today's lecture provided the following gems.

"You not only have to consider that the banana is moving through space, you have to consider that the banana might be cartwheeling through space." (and yes, this was accompanied by a flying banana hurtling across the room)

"The train going to Scotland doesn't rolly polly down the track 20 times. ... We hope..."

"Plagarism - its not an easy word to say. It's an even harder word to copy!"

I would like at this point to take some extracts from other academics tidbits that I have saved throughout the years.

"This is a world of DEATH! POVERTY! And strange little latin clauses!"

Ovid versus Homer: "Anything you can do, I can do meta."

And for the history afficionados amongst you. Said by a despairing austrian assyrologist after the rather dire turn our seminar had taken: "I tried to become Keith Hopkins but instead I became Oprah Winfrey."

Finally, for Ella and Jack's benefit. Nothing will quite beat 'detumescence'

Today was a fun filled day involving far too much to do and no sleep. For some reason whenever I actually *need* to do things all throughout the following day, my usually already overactive insomnia pattern goes into overdrive, and refuses to allow me any respite at all, usually until 45 minutes before I need to leave the house, at which point it's suddenly perfectly willing to crawl into a bed.

So despite trying to get into uni early, tubes conspired against me, and I was forced into my lecture (the fruits of which are the above). Figuring the other half of it would be equally irrelevant, I completed possibly the fastest AutoCAD design known to the world of first year engineers, taking a mere 45 minutes to find out what the coursework actually was in the first place, draw 3 different views for my project, print it, and hand it in. Then scooting off back to old uni (ie UCL) for a happy clappy production meeting with the theatre. It ended on a story of how someone lost control of their toilet functions in one of the halls lifts last night, which I think tells you just about how well the entire meeting fared overall. And then I had to get over to Angel to go to the studios.

I've had virtually no sex drive for the last week or so, which, as anyone who knows me will recognise, is one of the things that happens after hell has frozen over a good few times first. I can't help it, I have a naturally ludicriously high sex drive. So for me to not be horny is just not something that happens. Sure, I can be ill, passing out from alcohol, or otherwise indisposed at a given point in time to actually having sex, but not looking to get one over, or have one got over me (either's good :P) under the surface of all that? Never happens. So having a complete lack of a sex drive, as well as no sleep the night before, and a busy day rushing all over zone 1 london, had not left me in the best aroused state to show off my first class rating talents to an interview (by which I mean, something VERY casting couch situation) for a very well paying company. On top of this, the porn studio in question, had decided to show on the tv in their reception (you know you're going up in the world when your porn studios start having legal company registrations :P), none other than CBBC Scooby Doo...

Now don't get me wrong, the slightly dimwitted innocent, too clever for his own good blond haired thing that Fred has going on could do something for me. If I thought about it in ways Scooby Doo should never be thought about (I would like to cite Rule #34 at this point). Hell even Daphne has a lot going for her. Especially when being played by SMG. (Seany, or any SB crew reading this for that matter, for once, I do mean the actress, and not the other SMG) ((Everyone else goes off to google what this 'other' SMG might be... or maybe not, maybe my blog is revealing enough that anything they don't understand they realise they really don't want to!)) But anyway, Scooby Doo before going in to discuss the intimate details of your sex life, kinks, habits, positions, roles etc, and then give them the very literal 'moneyshot' - seriously, it was a condition of being paid - makes for a somewhat surreal experience.

I think that's enough oversharing for one night, don't you?


Music: Pop Six Squish Uh-uh Cicero Lipschitz...

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