No longer as truthful as should be deserved, some names, places and events deliberately vague to protect identities that aren't mine

Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Named and Shamed

So once again, the english are crap.  I'm currently in Amsterdam, and EVERYONE here speaks fluent in english; it's basically bilingual.  Yet again the continent puts the UK to shame and shows them for the linguistically egotistical lazy cunts they are.

Dutch is not a language I know.  I can do french and german, I  can understand Italian well enough, and I'd even wager an attempt at Russian if I found myself there.  Dutch however, is something I have no idea whats going on with.  To start off with, it's one of the few languages (certainly in europe) that I have exceedingly little concept of pronunciation rules.  And secondly, for obvious reasons, my mind keeps getting mixed up with German.  Damn languages developing from the same route.  I must remember things end in '-straat' not '-strasse' and '-plein' not '-platz'.  As a linguist, I find it highly embarrasing and awkward to have to walk into places and launch into English, as I have no idea what 'hello, do you speak english' is, let alone how to say it.  For shame england, for shame.

In related news, I have now been here a total of 9 hours.  I have got lost about 7 times so far, had god knows how many smokes, been shagged once, and drunk nothing.  It's like a sordid version of BJD in the making - though the drinking is likely to stay the same, given I don't like beer, and Heineken being the big thing here obviously.  Tomorrow has a concert, some smart & coffeeshops for halluncinogenic trippy joys, and a visit to the red light district of course; all the things everyone comes to Amsterdam for at the end of the day (no-one cares about clogs, or windmills, except the Moulin Rouge, which is in France anyway).

I don't mind getting lost, in fact, I aim for it, I go where my feet and eyes lead me.  Taking the uptown flying pig hostel, instead of downtown, I was forced to acquaint myself with the public transit system early, and buy a 3 day ticket.  The constant tram tracks everywhere remind me of being in San Francisco with all the trolleys going everywhere, or crossing the road outside a Caltrain terminal.  Going slightly out of the way for the hostel however (which by accidental incidence is 2 mins away from the music venue tomorrow night), pays divdends quickly, as you're that much braver with getting round the city.  I have also always had a bizzare talent to get completely lost in really dodgy areas of foreign cities, and not had so much as a glance at me from anyone ubiquitious; it took me 3 years of living in london to suffer my first mugging, and even then the punch didn't hurt - i didn't even drop the eggs I was carrying!

There are of course, some very very beautiful, absolutely stunning buildings here.  I think Chris would actually enjoy here more than he thinks, purely on account of the architecture.  Unfortuantely, a massive public works programme is obviously underway, as all of the best buildings are 90%+ covered in Scaffolding - the Centraal station building, the rijksmuseum, the building on Dam Sq etc...   Clearly an excuse to come again.

Also, one of the tram stops was called kattenburgerplein.  ...  icanhascheezburger?

No doubt more posts for you to live vicariously will appear soon.  Being in a city like amsterdam does rather give me some things to be truthful about: i''m being pre-emptive at the moment, but my mother probably doesn't possess the sense to *not* ask how my trip was.

Mood is gonna be too out of it to care, and will be for the forseeable future I imagine.

Music is whatever the flying pig barman keeps putting on the CD player

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

in which there is planning of costumes...

Firstly, I have joined twitter.  This is mostly to follow others who I care about and use it a lot, but if any of you should feel some strong urge to use that, rather than facebook to contact me, see   I was most upset that both of my standard usernames were taken, this is what I get for coming to such things late.

I'm planning costumage for Crimson, and general fun.  I said I wanted to make the starkiller costumes.  First of all, here's the very cool Jedi robed one (voila).  For Crimson I plan to make the kilt-style bottom, pretty easy, some cheap black and white fabric, hemmed top and bottom, and slit up the middle.  I haven't yet decided whether or not to wear trousers underneath.  The top will probably be my black military vest from Camden that EVERYBODY has commented on who's seen it so yey :)  Eventually I plan to make the rest of it too, but for Crimson, just the bottom bit is important.  I'd like to imcorporate red into the outfit, so I might change the white for red, but I haven't yet decided.  The problem with getting red in the outfit now is it means once I make the cloak it will have far too much in there.  A trip to the markets is needed.  Thankfully being small, I don't need that much material, so should be able to make the thing for under £10 easy. 

Incidentally, if anyone knows where to get some cheap aluminum sheeting please let me know, and yes I know I spelt that the american way; its cause I say it in my head the american way, and forcibly correct myself before I speak it.

The other starkiller outfit I plan to make is the canon version, viewable here.  Again, this should be quite simple (he says now).  Some grey/brown destroyable long sleeve shirt and trousers from Primark, a lot of light grey fabric that can be ripped into long strips, some martial arts hand ties, a small amount of leatherette for the front and back skirt, some black utility clips, a fair length of mesh/canvas belt, some cheap brown leather belts and the metal buckles.  Ebay will be my friend for much of this.  I plan to do a fair bit of riveting too to keep some of the heavier duty parts of the costume together.  I'll probably stitch some of the bandage effect into place, so I don't have to spent half the night keeping it in place as it works itself loose naturally.  Invisible thread and wonderwebbing will be godsends here.

I also need boots, but I need boots generally, and I'm trying to find some for Chris too, so cheap army surplus here I come.  The only difficult bits of the standard starkiller costume are the electronic forearm cuff on the right arm, and the shoulder piece.  Anybody with advice and experience on how to do this, please step forward.

And yes, I do have the Force FX lightsaber, granted mine's purple, but give me time....

It seems Joel and I are slowly adding to our plans to own a Buffy-esque magic shop.  A while ago it acquired a kink section, cause we're too sick of the Ann Summers style of kink that breaks if you put any real strain (read: suspending a boy from the ceiling by his balls) on it.  Now it is adding a random clothing section, after we agreed we should design some kink/geek orientated clothing together, and he's better at hand sewing, i'm better at machining.  and we both need things to attend places like Crimson in.  Soon this non existent shop will take over the world!

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming...

Hello all,

Apologies for the rather sparse posting of late.  For those who don't know I've been producing the annual UCL Classics Play, which was on last week.  This results in much stress, little sleep, and the elimination of the words 'free' and 'time' from your vocabulary.  That said, I love it.  The major depression I've been in vanished away after the last night, when I got the epic buzz I always get for knowing I've put on a successful production, and I was one of the lead roles in making it happen.  I ended up in mania all weekend and it wasn't till this week when I started back at uni that the mania faded and I slipped back into the depression (the issues haven't been dealt with, hence returning to it)

There are few secrets to reveal, someone mentioned they liked the tag around my neck and asked if the barcode actually linked to anything, which I've already discussed in this post.

We had a birthday party for one of my flatmates recently, for which we had to move the sofas out of the way.  Upon doing so we found the usual deluge of crap that tends to work its way underneath furniture, however we also found one slightly more unusual item... about 2" in diameter, metal, circular... my flatmates weren't 100% sure what it was, but knew somehow I'd be the culprit.  Sure enough, it was a cockring, left behind when I had a load of friends stay over and we violated the 'no orgies in the living room' rule my flatamtes have inflicted upon me.  Yes, my flatmates have that much faith in the sort of things I tend to get up to that they have felt the need to enact a 'no orgies in the living room rule', which as this episode shows, has been promptly ignored.  On the plus side, I've got a free cock ring out of it.

The next Crimson date has been announced, 10th April, if anyone wants to come with, get in contact, it's a truly AMAZING night with lots of fun friendly people.  I'm already planning my costumage...

I'm also currently planning how to make some Starkiller outfits, both the standard mummy banadages looking outfit and the jedi robed one.

And now I must return to the Laundry in order to ensure my drying is done in good time before it shuts...

As a final point, it's a month to go to the Vernal Equinox.  I'm very much looking forward to the equinox this year, as I've been working on a servitor/eidolon project for quite a while (about 6 months), with a view to finally activating it on the equinox.  The energy store I've built to do this with is about the size of France.  And at some point that has to go through me.  I may draft in Joel to make sure i don't set off a small nuclear explosion in West London.   (have i mentioned i'm a chaote?  i'll check at some point and post details in the next post that will make more sense of this one if not)

Mood: Despondant, mixed with happy clappy dancing gay, mixed with overcharged pagan.


Monday, 8 February 2010


"This is the best part of the day."
"What part is that?"
"When you, and me, become we."

Not knowing winnie the pooh that well, I'd never taken notice of this before.  But it applies to a lot of people in my life, or certainly, a lot of people that I actually make the effort to talk to.

Saturday, 6 February 2010

Where can you run to escape from yourself?

Find me here,
And speak to he;
I want to feel you,
I need to hear you.
You are the light,
That's leading me,
To the place,
Where I find peace again.

You are the strength,
That keeps me walking.
You are the hope,
That keeps me trusting.
You are the light,
Into my soul.
You are my purpose;
You're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms,
And you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands;
You won't let me fall.
You steal my heart,
And you take my breath away.
Would you take me in;
Take me deeper now?

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want,
You're all I need;
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want,
You're all I need;
You're everything, everything.

You're all I want,
You're all I need;
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want,
You're all I need;
You're everything, everything.

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better, any better than this?

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Friday, 5 February 2010

Once more into the breach...

From Monday I shall be everybody's friend,
I shall be the proverbial island in the sea of chaos,
I shall carry an eternal smile on my face
And make sympathetic noises at the right point in the conversation.
Everyone shall come to me, a quivering mess;
They shall tell me their problems, their worries and their fears;
I will listen patiently, and reassure them each time.
I shall take in all their stress and their panic, their frustrations and grievences
They shall flow through me and be released to the aether.

This is my role;
To help those who cannot help themselves,
To be the crux of those who need it,
And the aide to those who want it.

Mood: strangely calm on the outside, little crazy on the inside

Music:  Yes I know its absolutely gay, but I need it at times like this...

Tuesday, 2 February 2010

The calm before the storm...

Having been in considerable meltdown mode over just about everything for the last 2 days, I am not considerably calmer.  Not sorted by any means, but I can now at least face the world again.  It's amazing how simple things like a phonecall and someone saying 'can i help?' can be exactly what you needed, even though you didn't realise it yourself.

And to the other person who's getting me through life at the moment, you already know im more than grateful towards you :)

Also, don't read about suicides whilst depressed.  it leads to a strange sort of melancholy.

Mood:  see last line.

Music:  None.

I'm fucking Ibiza!

Wow 5 days since my last blog post, thats something.  Points for the reference, it gives you an idea of my current outlook on things, as does the first song on the playlist; i can't really apologise enough for that one.

Well the play is getting to me and forming the black hole that I knew it sooner or later would do.  In the spirit of this blog saying things I dont or shouldn't in real life, the play really really needs to be called off.  It's a week to go, we're missing set for one play, costumes for both, a leading character more or less for one, programmes are unlikely to be done in time, the banner order has just been screwed up, its all totally gone to shit really, and on top of this, we still don't have the sodding performance rights!  And whilst it would be epiclaly bad to call it off now, it really does need to be, hell if I could have I'd have called it off 2 weeks ago, but that's not my call to make.

My depression has graduated from the bitter, cynical, blaming everything/one else for my problems kind, to the self depricating, its all my fault one way or another kind.  and i'm angry, in the angry demeanour/personailty type kind of way, not the active anger that you feel when something irritates you, just the general pervading helpless anger at the world, everything in it, and all the shit that's going on.  the kind of anger that eats away at you horribly, and you know you should stop it but you're too angry and tired to do so.  I almost made it through the entire weekend with no breakdowns, no issues, no upsets, and then right at the end of it all, there was a big arguement about the most irrelevant and incosequential of things, and i'm not sure whether i was more annoyed about the issue or about the fact that i'd let myself slip into an argument right before the point where i'd be able to let it all go freely again. 

my phone's buggered (admittedly, my own fault) and i dont have time to fix it, i'm tired and want to go to bed but have another 2 hours of play crap to sort through tonight, which i couldnt do earlier because i had to go to sainsburys as i had no food (dinner the other day had consisted of froot loops, a hersheys bar, and green tea), and then hand-wash half my clothes, as we haven't replaced our washing machine yet and i've had no time to do it for the past 2 weeks, and i'm down to 0 shirts 0 pants 0 trousers, so also have to hope at least one of shirts and trousers is dry by the morning.  i can cope with commandoness, i've been doing it for the past week anyway as its easier and meant less of a need to do washing.   I'm going to need to be the one to go find a new washing machine I can tell, as once again, anything house related my flatmates are being utterly useless at it, not one of them has found time in the last 2 weeks to go down the road to the appliance shop and see about a second hand one.  and one of them has fridays off, so i'm not sure what the excuse is.  but as i say, as usual, anything house related they for some reason just expect me to do, because im better at it, because they dont bother to go get better at it themselves.

I totally comfort bought over the weekend, I bought new clothes at cyberdog cause they were in the sale, and they look awesome for going clubbing in, as well as an awesome military-industrial black cavas vest thing.  i loves it.  and i spent much on food and tea and things with joel.

Mood:  Tired.  In the metaphorical sense.  Literal too, but that's a given.