No longer as truthful as should be deserved, some names, places and events deliberately vague to protect identities that aren't mine

Friday, 21 May 2010

If God wanted us sober He'd knock the glass over

Firstly, Jason Webley - Drinking Song.  It's an awesome finishing number for encores.  And has everything you could want out of a drinking song really, pretty much perfect.  The song starts around 3 minutes in if you want to skip some of the talking, but it starts and stops, as AFP gigs tend to by their very nature.

But anyway, onto the subject of drinking.  As you all are no doubt aware, I have the joyous Asian allergy to alcohol.  This is not in fact, as bad as it seems, sure I go rather red and *look* ill, but I'm actually fine, it means I can get drunk pretty quick if I want, and saves me a fortune in liquor costs.  I actually quite enjoy drinking when I do it, and I also have the wondrous ability to sober up instantly when adrenaline hits my system, such as someone throwing up, or a near death actuality, which makes me pretty handy to have around a party.

However, I do have one gripe with social drinking, this idea that everyone needs to drink the same amount.  I admit I'm a lightweight, and I will never have the drinking stamina of the Scots, or the Russians, but as I've already said, that has advantages.  I was under the impression that the idea, ultimately, is to get everyone smashed and hammered.  Which is a very admirable aim in my opinion.  But people get smashed and hammered at different levels to each other, so why do people need to keep up.  I'm not a casual drinker.  If I'm drinking I'm usually drinking with the intention of being drunk throughout the night.  And being myself, I know how to do that a hell of a lot better than you do.  I know, that unless its crushed ice, mint, and some lemonade, a glass 3 quarters full of spirit will not allow me to even reach the bottom of the first drink.  I know, that 10 shots in a row, is a surefire way to make me throw up for 20 minutes.  I know that if I drink too fast, I lose the ability to breathe as my throat closes up.  I know that if I drink too much too quickly, I will pass out, at which point that's a wasted evening.  I will gladly get drunk with you, but that does not mean I need to match you glass for glass, or even measure for measure.  Please rest assured that I have no intention of staying sensible or coherent, but allow me to imbibe at my own pace, and relative to my technical allergy, I will be just as drunk as you throughout the night.

And for the love of god, don't pour my drinks if you're going to make every one a quintuple shot of liquor.  I won't drink it, I'll stop being drunk, and then the whole fun of the night, for both/all of us, will disappear very quickly, as I get annoyed that you're bugging me to drink a drink I told you not to pour me, and you'll get frustrated that I'm not keeping up with you and am slowly sobering up.  And those people who say they'll pour sensibly and then don't, and its not cause they're drunk, its cause they're cunts who insist you drink stupid amounts even though as I've mentioned, it prompts various undesirable effects in me that can swiftly end an evening in various ways?  I'm gonna come get you all when the apocalypse comes.  Zombies can wait.  You people need to suffer first, and zombie gnawing is too good a death for you.

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