No longer as truthful as should be deserved, some names, places and events deliberately vague to protect identities that aren't mine

Friday, 11 June 2010

I would walk 500 miles.

So I'm off to the US on 22nd June for 6 weeks.  I'm visiting NYC, Cape Cod, Boston, California, and if I can afford them, New Orleans, Harry Potter World, Alabama, Chicago, and Seattle.  I didn't go to the US last summer and it hurt, more than i expected.  California has basically become my summer home on a level I hadn't appreciated, and so I'll be really glad to go back.  I get to go to Up Your Alley in San Francisco for the first time ever which will be awesome as I've always missed that and Folsom due to timing before, and NYC pride is the weekend I get there.  Being miserable and broke in the UK last summer, I figured I might as well be miserable and broke on Huntingdon Beach instead.

Chris isn't coming.  There are several reasons for this.  He can't afford it, and I'm much happier to spend money I don't have and worry about paying for it later than he is.  I'm planning on scrounging sofas, and paying some of my way by working whilst over there, and that's hard to do with someone else in tow.  I can't afford to take myself even though I'm going, let alone paying his way too.  But primarily, its because at the time I booked it, things were crazy.  Things were bad.  We'd skirted around the break up conversation several times.  I was depressed.  For a long time.  He didn't know how to deal with it.  It was taking its toll, on both of us.  A serious one.  And I cope less well with relationship issues than Chris.  I needed time apart.  More than just a 2 week jaunt round Europe.  So Chris agreed to let me go, cause he's an awesome boyfriend like that.

And then, 6 weeks or so ago, the switch flipped.  I stopped being depressed.  Just like that.   I still get upset, I still get pissed off, but my outlook on life is generally better.  It's generally positive.  You get this from the tone of my blog posts, at least I hope you do.  They stopped being self involved, and started being about my general musings on the world.  And yes, a holiday is nice, and yes, on some level, I probably do need time apart from Chris, so I don't panic too much when we move in together when I return.  But I don't need it so much anymore, I don't need it for so long anymore.  If I didn't have this trip, I'd still go places, but it'd be different.  I'd probably have disapppeared to Adelaide for 2 weeks on   25th May for example.  There were spare seats on Ryan's flight, my passport's always in my bag, it would have been so easy to pick up the standby.  I would go to Bristol, cause a friend needs someone.  I would go to Glastonbury, cause I need someone.  And maybe, just maybe, I'd even take Chris to Rome for a week.  But oh well, I can't cancel or change my flights without cost, so I might as well go, and have my time apart, and get my head sorted, and let it do the good that, whilst less needed now, is still helpful.

Oh I'm also broke.  As in flat broke.  As in I have £400 in my bank account and £600 worth of bills to pay, and haven't even found a place to stay in New York yet.  Oh fuck.  Still that always makes for the most interesting travel in my opinion.  It's gonna be a phone call to the Amex people tomorrow or monday i think...  PLEASE DON'T STOP MY CARD, I'LL PAY IT SOON I PROMISE!

No comments:

Post a Comment