No longer as truthful as should be deserved, some names, places and events deliberately vague to protect identities that aren't mine

Saturday, 5 June 2010

The tigers come at night.

One day, I'm going to make a bed.  And this bed shall have a motor in it.  And the motor shall cause the bed to vibrate.  Kind of similar to those massage-vibrating beds you get in tacky roadside motels in the US that make the sound of pneumatic drill for 30 seconds per 25c.  Except mine will obviously be quieter, and the vibration will be only slight, and also somewhat irregular.

There is method to my madness.

I have terrible troubles sleeping.  Always have done, except before I was 3, when I slept permanently.  But since 3, I don't sleep well.  Unless I'm exhausted to the point I can't actually hold myself standing up, it takes me about 2 hours of lying in bed, rolling around and trying to get comfortable and not overheat, to shut my mind up and fall asleep.  This doesn't really change if I'm with Chris.  And in fact it's then more infuriating listening to him be asleep for 2 hours whilst I'm not.  Chris is one of those people who can fall asleep in 5 minutes just by getting into bed.  I wake up easier and much much quicker when next to Chris, but getting to sleep is unaffected.

My sleep pattern also tends to change every 2 weeks or so.  I've had every pattern imaginable  My 'standard', insofar as I can be said to have such, is go to bed 0400 - 0600, get up 1200 - 1400, and that generally suits me fine, except the world doesn't work like this.  By the time you're up and showered and breakfasted (lunchded), the call centres and shops in the UK are closing up, especially by the time you got the bus into town to go to them.  Jobs, also, do not tend to work like this, and so I spent most of my life in a state of perpetual sleep deprivation with an average 4 hours sleep a night, and then crash out at weekends.  Every once in a while, I'll sleep for 36 hours, often missing days of work as a result.  Luckily that only tends to happen once every 3-4 months, so it's not too bad, but still.  Other sleep patterns I've had include a feeling of complete draining exhaustion just to get up and get a cup of tea before going back to bed and sleeping most of the week; sleeping one day on, one day off; sleeping only every third day; multiple naps required per day, sleep only giving me energy enough for approx 3 hours of awakening; reverse sleep schedules so that I sleep 0900/1000 - 2000ish and so forth...

What's odd, is that when I need to sleep, I'm practically narcoleptic, and no activity, stimulant, or urgent need, beyond that of survival reflex and adrenaline, can keep me awake, and even so, the adrenaline will only keep me up so long as its freshly pumping through my system; 15 minutes later I'll be collapsing again.

But despite all these sleeping issues, I have never had a problem sleeping on planes, trains, or automobiles.  In fact I can do it exceptionally easy.  I am a master of the tube-sleep, never having missed my station, and being able to do it on 2 stop journeys.  In the busy rush hour where there's enough people around to keep me standing, I can even do it without needing a seat.  I can fall asleep on transportation no matter what time it is, or how tired I was previously.  It's the vibrations, they gently rock me to sleep within 30 seconds, engine hum is the way forward for my sleep issues.  And hence, I want a bed, that can imitate a slight, but partially irregular vibration with which to send me to sleep whenever I want without hours of thinking random thoughts.

I have no idea how Chris would cope with a slightly, partially irregularly vibrating bed though...

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