I'm annoyed and frustrated and depressed. I feel ill again. Not as ill as I did the other day, the cramping hasn't started yet, but I have everything else but that. Fuck you world. This probably means I'll be ill throughout 4th July weekend in Cape Cod with my friends. This means I'll spend 10 days with Terence, who has as big a sex drive and as twisted a mind as me, and have sex a whole 1 time. F. M. L.
I'm sure Chris has a slight sense of rightness with the universe and smugness at all this. And he probably deserves it. But right now, all I wanna do is come home, cut everything out of my life again, vanish from the world, and exist totally alone with nothing around me. I've gotta start being more of a pessimist again. Life was easier when I stopped hoping once in a while that things were improving and getting better, only to be knocked rather forcefully back down into place, and not in the way I'd enjoy either.
And now the dull pain in my stomach has extended to being a dull pain in my chest as well. If I'm lucky it's a heart attack.
Terence looks hot whilst he's sleeping though :) I just wish I was well enough to wake him up ;)
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