This post will make instant sense to half of you, the rest of you will have to fill in the not-entirely-cryptic blanks.
Having spent a few weeks going through the motions one way, I'm not going through them the other way, and no, that's not related to bowel movements or any other form of peristaltic action. Rather than 'you don't know what you had 'till it's gone', it's more a situation of 'it can never be like it was'. Now, that doesn't necessarily preclude it continuing, or even getting better, but it still results in a rather unfortunate and indeterminate 'awkward' period. I don't react the way I should do; I don't want what I'm supposed to, and when I'm faced with it, I appear very aloof (points for use of aloof in a blog post I feel), mostly because it feels so inappropriate in one way or another. And this is at a time when what's needed of me is the exact opposite. I need to demonstrate extra-ordinary reactions, I need to be that much more proactive than usual, but I'm not... I just feel numb. Because of my actions, or because of the way I had to process the fallout of my actions, and all I can currently do is hold on, going through the motions and mitigating further damage in so far as I can manage for the moment, until such point as things change.