No longer as truthful as should be deserved, some names, places and events deliberately vague to protect identities that aren't mine

Monday, 5 March 2012

Ce bel amor qui ne peut mourir... (redux)

There are two other posts from long ago on my blog with this title here and here.  They are fairly transparent without specifically mentioning their subject matter, but its not hard to make an educated guess, and if you know enough about my life, or pay enough attention to the things I've posted on here, you'll know exactly.  But I stumbled back across them myself whilst going through my old blog posts, and realised it's really only fair at this point that another representation is made, and so without further adieu...

I miss you so much.  It hurts.  Like hell.  Every single day.  I know I made my choice and I stand by it and don't regret it and you've even stated the situation couldn't be changed nowadays.  And that's fine, but I still miss you.  I still love you.  I still want to be with you even though I can't.  I miss the feel of you.  I miss your smile.  I miss how easy we fit around each other.  I miss curling up against you in bed even if I knew I'd never sleep.  I miss how you'd buy me Oreos and Hersheys and chocolate milk when i'd had a bad day.  I miss that you made me genuinely want to be a better person.  I hate that I've barely seen you since.  I hate that it's so hard to see you, because every time I walk into the same room as you I get the same feelings I got when I saw you for the very first time.  I hate that lets be friends is hardly what you could call it.  I hate that I still hurt for you so badly, and yet I know it doesn't work.  I'm scared you'll stop loving me.  I'm scared for when you find someone else and I have to accept that although it was my decision, your life is no longer mine. I wonder if this will ever get any easier for either of us.  I wonder if we'll just drift apart, like people who went to school together, fundamental to each other's lives for so long and then relegated to 'emotional baggage'.  I love you.  I miss you.  I need you.  I want you.  Please be mine.

1 comment:

  1. I like the fact you chose the ancient form of the French word "love": "amor" without the "u" (amour), or maybe you didn't know that and you simply made a spelling mistake!

    Yet "amor" is so much more powerful in a poetic way, more powerful maybe than what we can experience in real life and that is why we can't seem to find "amor": we don't know how to spell it right!