No longer as truthful as should be deserved, some names, places and events deliberately vague to protect identities that aren't mine

Thursday, 26 April 2012

TP Creativity

Best thing you'll see on the internet this week:

"Nina Katchadourian whiles away long plane journeys by locking herself in the lavatory and pretending to be a 15th century Dutch painting. The project began spontaneously on a flight in March 2010 and is ongoing…"

My body's broken; Yours is bent

It is to my eternal frustration that my ex could never do anger sex.  In fairness, you couldn't really argue with his reasoning; when he was pissed off at me and upset he hated me just a little bit in those moments and as a result found me really unattractive right at that point, so the last thing he wanted to do with have sex with me.  A perfectly valid and fairly unfaultable perspective you gotta admit,

But god damn it anger sex is hot and solves issues.

Imagine it.  Your boyfriend, girlfriend, asexual limpet, whatever pisses you off somehow.  You're screaming and yelling at other.  You'd really really like to introduce their face to your clenched fist right now.  Or smash their head against something.  Nobody would notice a dead body under the floorboards right?  They make you so mad you wanna kill them, cut them up, and then jump on all the pieces until there is nothing left but pulp because sometimes they can be an inconsiderate jackass.  So you grab 'em, and you hurl 'em against the wall.  And they cry out in pain.  And you slap them across the face and drag them across the room with far more force than could ever be necessary and you really dig your nails in and bite down on their skin making sure to sink your teeth in....

And the next day, when your horrified co-workers ask how the hell you got all those bruises, you reply "Oh I had anger sex with my boyfriend."  And suddenly, it's TOTALLY FINE, and everyone understands.

Because anger sex allows you to beat the shit out of each other in a socially acceptable manner.  Of course I'm not condoning any kind of abusive relationship, physical or otherwise.  But sometimes, you really don't want to give a shit about their happiness, sometimes, you really want them to be in a bit of pain, and even more, you want to be the one causing it.  And when you both wake up with bruises on your hips and your ass from where you were slamming against each other so hard the bed probably broke, you'll both have a smirk on your face, because you did that, you caused them that pain and every time they wince slightly for the rest of the day it's gonna make you feel better about whatever the hell it was that you can't remember you were arguing about in the first place.  Plus you got to have some fucking fantastic mind-blowing sex in the process.

I totally understand why my ex wouldn't have anger sex with me, but man did that piss me off to the point where I just wanted to fuck him more :P

Wednesday, 25 April 2012

I'm afraid I can't do that Dave.

In the world of futuristic, totally useful, kinda creepy, mildly unsettling and likely prohibitively expensive bits of technology, there is this:

Now in fairness it's just a natural evolution of the standard alarms lots of people have on their phone, made for a world where everything can be connected to the internet and there's always an app for that.  But it's the first time I've seen a fully integrated complete system like this.  And from the looks of it, it's very well put together.  Sure it's a little creepy and obsessive to check video feeds of your kids coming home from school and being able to lock them out of the tv room until they've done their homework even when you're not there, but like i say, as a random piece of future style technology it's kinda interesting.

Monday, 16 April 2012

The greatest thing you'll ever learn...

As I've stated in the past, being polyamorous is both a blessing and a curse.  You get to be in love multiple times, you get all those amazing feels multiple times over, and you expose yourself to that much more hurt, you miss people that many times more etc.

It also makes life interesting when you meet someone who is okay with it, because in all likelihood, they are also polyamorous and this leads to an interesting problem, which to be fair, applies to pretty much anyone, it's just a poly people are open about it...

One day, that person that you love so much, that you would do anything for, that you would die for, that is worth everything you have and are, that loves you all the same back, is going to meet some one.  And they are going to love them just as much as they love you.  They are going to want to move heaven and earth for them, they are going to want to change their entire lives for them, just as they do for you.  And that can be a really hard thing to accept, even when you admit you're completely capable of doing it yourself.  It's not necessarily jealousy, it's not possessiveness, but the hardest thing can be watching someone walk away from you because they love someone, and you watching them go because you love them.

If you can accept it though, boy it's a good ride....

What a boy wants...

The simplest most amazing thing I love doing with a guy is cuddling up with him.

More specifically, I love being the big spoon, the one to hold you in my arms.  Yes, I'm a little guy, and a sub, and a bottom, and I really really love being held and a guy wrapping his arrms around me as he gets into bed (and feeling his cock against my ass :P), but honestly, there is no greater, simpler pleasure for me in life, than having a guy fall asleep with his head on my lap, or curling up against me as we watch movies, or letting me hold him in bed, to be the one that gets to effectively say "you are mine to protect, and i will always do that for you".  And maybe the size thing is something to do with it, that a guy a foot or so taller than me will feel so comfortable with me, that he trusts me so much, he'll go okay you're small, okay i might choke half the life out of you as i fuck your ass, but now, in this moment, you get to be the one that takes care of the other in the relationship.

It's definitely a sign of trust and affection on my part.  I hate people leaning on me, falling asleep on me.  It's a childhood neurosis thing, being small people always use me as rests and it pisses the hell out of me.  For the guys i really care about, i'll let you rest your head on my shoulder, and fall asleep on me, because i'm happy just  to be with you, and any amount of mental irritation, or physical discomfort when my arm inevitably goes dead, is worth it for those boys.

There are many things that make me smile in the world, and there are all sorts of things that I enjoy, but this is the simplest thing, that will have me grinning the entire time whilst it's happening.  I love it and it's important to recognise the little things.

Wednesday, 4 April 2012

525,600 minutes

No thankfully my flight isn't that long...

It's very weird to think I've only been here a week and a half, and I have 2.5 more weeks to go.  Oh sure the week in Vegas will fly by.  But I've already been to 4 different cities, through 3 different airports, on 2 coach journeys, stayed in 4 different houses, and I haven't even hit LA yet!  Boy when I travel, I sure do travel!

As a random experiement, as I like doing things like this, I've been seeing how far I can get through this trip without actually needing printed paper confirmations.  This mostly started because I don't have a printer at home, and by using my smartphone email, I can usually provide whatever documentation is required if they actually demand to see a copy of it.  Luckily for most places, some for of ID, reference number and/or payment card is all I need.  If you haven't travelled in a while the new suite of airline smartphone apps is amazing.  You can upload your flights, check in, pick seats, search for upgrades, get terminal map layouts, download QR code boarding passes, track your bags, check for delays, get gate numbers in advance, and do pretty much everything imaginable using them.  So far I've crossed 2 international borders (3 if you include the fact I flew over Canada), one ocean and am currently in the process of traversing the entire United States, using nothing more than a QR tag on my phone screen and my passport.  I got my foreign currency by showing them my ID and the card I paid on, I picked up my NY Rangers tickets using my ID alone.  I don't need an A-Z or transit map anymore as I can download it all to my phone using apps for the MTA in NYC, MBTA up in Boston, and I'll get the LA app once I land, just as you can use the tube app when in London.  And now I can write this up, and check twitter, and even get my foursquare checkin, all using wi-fi at 30,000 feet.  Digital Age, eat your heart out.

Okay so we don't have hover boards yet, but the fact I can travel 14,000 miles, including everything else associated with being abroad and travelling, using just my phone to cover everything.  My mum even asked if I wanted her to bring out my travel insurance documents when I see her in a week - I already have them all downloaded in pdf form on my phone.  All my music is on spotify, all my friends are on AIM, twitter, facebook, MSN, Skype, whatsapp etc.  I can log in to Gaydar, Recon, Manhunt, A4A using apps or the web browser.  I can download the weather, load up maps in case I get lost trying to find somewhere, use GPS navigation if we're in a car, I could blog from my phone, I can use word and excel and power point, anything that's not ON my phone is in my email or dropbox, both of which I can get to, I can even apply for jobs whilst I'm away using various apps and the browser.  Pretty much all we're missing at this point is the public retinal scanners to replace my passport as ID, and we're in the future that's written about and on our tv and cinema screens for so long.  The architecture just isn't as shiny, that's all.  This has all been coming together for a long time, but I personally feel like finally, it's at the point where everything is becoming seamless, and I'm starting to be able to do whatever I want, however I want, as it suits me.

Monday, 2 April 2012

The World Is Quiet Here...

I am sitting in one of the reading rooms of the New York Public Library.  The place where Carrie got stood up by Big in the SATC movie.  I love the big metropolitan public libraries in the US.  Maybe I've just made some massive oversights, but I don't find anything like them in the UK.  Oh sure we have lots of little community libraries, though lots of those are getting closed down at the moment of course, and we have places like the British Library, but what I love about public libraries in major cities in the US is that they're in the grand impressive buildings, and that I as a foreigner, can freely walk in, roam all over, even set up in a reading room and get on with some blogging, or use their internet to plan the rest of my day, or whatever.

They remind me of University libraries, the rooms are big and bright with lots of people working and, with power, and personal desk lamps, and high ceilings and giant paintings on the walls.  And you don't need any access card, any sign up, anything to be able to enjoy this.  It's a very hard feeling to explain, but I don't find similar places in the UK, and I certainly don't find many UK libraries at all as inviting as the ones in the US.

As I said, I'm in New York today, I got in yesterday afternoon and went over to my friend Jarrod's place in Astoria.  We went to Madison Square Garden last night to see the New York Rangers play hockey, in case you hadn't guessed from my twitter and facebook posts.  It was my birthday present to myself which I bought about 9 months ago, I spent $350 on the tickets, but fuck yeah was it worth it.  They lost their game, but it was amazing to see MY TEAM, which I love, and follow, even to the point of keeping up on the scouting reports for next season's prospects like a really dedicated sports fan - playing live.  On home ice.  They didn't play as good as they could have done and it was a shame I didn't get to see them win, as that's likely the only game I'll ever get to in my life, or at least for a good few years, but I loved every single second of it, even the guy throwing homophobic slurs at players who was sitting next to me.  If I drunk beer I even would have gladly paid the $10 a bottle price.

Wandering round NYC today, I did all the tourist stuff like 2 years ago, and I'm only here for about 36 hours so there's not much I can get up to, I'm mostly just having fun walking around the city, I went to some of the gay shops, there's a rather impressive Rufskin boutique who sell some really beautiful jeans that I just can't justify at $160 even thought they fit me PERFECTLY.  I got to visit the Nasty Pig store which was awesome, the guys in there are REALLY HOT, and I found out even I love Nasty Pig rubber, it feels great, doesn't have that rubber smell (which is one of the things that turns me off about the whole deal), and their rubber trousers are only $140 which is pretty damned fucking cheap!  They even do them in a 28" waist which is awesome.  They don't fit great, so I didn't buy them, but it was worth a visit to the store, if only just to make Adam jealous :P

I also got to visit Big Gay Ice Cream, who I've been following for ages and all through their recent store purchase and fit up so was really eager to head over and get something.  I highly recommend the Mermaid - ice cream, key lime curd and graham crackers.  I just wish I was here more days so I could go work my way through the entire menu over 2 weeks or so.

Currently wandering the streets of 5th Avenue, then might head over to Penn Station, then down to Wall St AFTER business hours when it's a little quieter, then maybe back up to Central Park for the museums.  I've only been going 4 hours and I've probably walked 80 blocks already.  I'm impatient when it comes to the metro, just like I'm impatient with tubes and buses in London, so I just tend to walk.  I'm really looking forward to being over in California again, current forecast of 70-80 degrees whilst I'm there so if I'm lucky maybe I can go hit the beach and find some cute surfer boys to play with (not on the beach though, sand gets everywhere, it's not pleasant)  Will need to find some power i.e. an empty starbucks eventually to recharge laptop and phone, but I'm having fun.  Missing certain peoples obviously, but I have several ideas of presents to bring them back and I'll probably be arranging some Skype dates when I'm kicking around in LA later in the week.

Sunday, 1 April 2012

Another suitcase in another bus garage...

Another journey, another bus terminal, another delayed departure and/or arrival.  Thank god for the free wifi infrastructure though.  It certainly helps to pass the time, even if my laptop battery is old and dying and took 16% of it's charge just to boot up.  I decided not to pay the extra $50 to go greyhound and get a power socket so I'm just hoping my laptop stays alive long enough to get this post done.

Yesterday was another day in Providence, with my Ameriwtin Lauren, her sister, Terence, and a guy called Derek who was nice enough to offer me some crash space for the night - he lives in dorms which are bigger than most London flats.  Granite worktops, stainless steel appliances including a dishwasher, spiral staircase, partial open plan layout, a great view of the Rhode Island state house.  Clearly I was a student in the wrong country.

Incidentally, I must remember whilst sitting in a public setting, that half of my twitter followers avi's are not suitable for general viewing :P

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming.  We went to see The Hunger Games finally yesterday, it involves 3 hot boys (and a perfectly okay girl that's just not my type) dressed in tight clothing, being set on fire, trying to kill each other, and generally getting covered in dirt and blood.  As a point of advice, you should never ever go see a film with me and Terence and allow us to sit next to each other because we will make snide comments at each other and giggle throughout the entire thing.  It gets right to the not-so-climactic ending and Terence suddenly yells "booo" and I burst out laughing in response.  Not as bad however as when Lauren, whispers to me "I want some guy to put his finger in my gash".  Score one to Lauren for managing to creep me out in the middle of a cinema screen.  We then went to Dave & Busters for trashy food and arcade games, which put me in kid mode and I was happy.  I made the most of my last day with my New England friends because I knew I was leaving them, though at least this time, I know I'll be back in 3 weeks.  And thanks to Derek offering me a place to stay, I didn't get murdered in my sleep by Terence's ex, who I don't seem to get on with particularly well - no surprises there then.

Off to New York, very very excited for Rangers hockey, I'm sitting in section 101 so it's going to be amazing.  Taking the friend I'm staying with as a thank you as I have a spare ticket anyway and he's never been to an NHL match. NYC and LA will no doubt signal the return of the Eddie you all know and love, so watch my twitter feed for entertaining boy stories.  Then I can go be good again whilst I'm with my family over in Vegas.

I always forget how different gay culture is over here, it's not that it's unmanageable, just the unwritten, unspoken rules are subtly different and I always have to forcibly remind myself that I need to act differently when I'm in the US to how I'm in the UK.

Also, why does it not matter who I'm with, why do late night conversations always involve me talking about sex???  Honestly it's not like I even try, I think it's just cause I'm quite open and honest about it, and if it's relevant to the conversation I'll mention something sex related, so I guess that both prompts it, and makes other people feel relaxed about the subject, especially in the US where sex is still a hell of a lot more of a taboo subject that in the UK.  And as always, I can always go with the fact that due to the friends I tend to hang around with, if I haven't been there and done it, someone I know will have, all the good and bad.  Hey if it promotes a better understanding of practically anything to do with sex, I suppose it serves its purpose.

Oh gee great, I'm in the bit of the route that does not, in fact, have wi-fi access.  51% on the battery, though the battery icon makes it look as though it has about 28% remaining so I'm not entirely sure which to trust.  I may just save this as a word document to be on the safe side.

I have also just recieved an ominous message from my parents saying they have news that will help my financial situation - I know they didn't win any of the $600,000,000+ lottery draw as I bought the tickets for that, but hmmmm, curiouser and curiouser.

What's new with you lot?  I miss you all, especially certain people.  The next week or so is going to be hardest in some ways,  I'll be hanging out with my California friends and spending time with them, but I'll be missing all of my UK gays and most of my best friends in the US are in MA so to leave kinda sucks.  If I get all emo on twitter you know why.

If you're in NYC, LA, or Boston and want to meet up send me a message.  I've made lots of new friends already in Boston and the Cape and I'm really happy just to meet people for a simple coffee.  I have time in all 3 of those cities so let me know.  With enough persuasion and/or financial aid I could make it to surrounding areas such as San Diego, or elsewhere in Mass.  I'm hoping to have a nice big farewell dinner on my last night in Boston before I get my flight home and it'd be great to see anyone I've met over the last week, or even just say hi & goodbye to people I have yet to.

Also, there is a rumour going around the Providence Drag Brunch that I give really good hugs.  It's all true, every word.  So long as you don't really need kidneys in the long term.

39% and may need battery for other things so gonna save this, shut down, and upload whenever I get the chance later today.  Make that a sudden drop to 15%... My laptop really is fucked.