Last night I went on a little rant on twitter, thus of course it came in 140 character sections. I've copied it here for reference:
I can't tell whether I'm sad, pissed off, or just fed up anymore. Either way I'm done.
I can't even hold the boy I love when the world decides to give one of us hell.
I'm saving 75% of my earnings each week to try and get enough to move but know realistically I'll never afford it any time soon
All of my friends seem to be facing their own hell right now and wont even talk about whats going on.
Hell some of them I'm not likely to really spend time with in any meaningful way until the new year.
I'm currently scared every day that the friend who is pretty much the only one getting me through things might not be there the next morning
I keep telling myself it'll be better in a year. At least I'll have a shoulder to cry on. But that's not definite.
And it certainly won't mean life suddenly gets simple. But right now, I really NEED something to go right for someone in my life.
Because honestly, i'm tired of trying so damned hard just to keep everything together, just to keep everyone from falling to pieces.
Everyone around me is currently working so goddamned hard and none of us seem to be getting anywhere or even just happy.
And the most I can currently do about ANY of this? Is rant on twitter in a vague attempt to let it all out and not go completely crazy
And there's just to much shit going on for me and the people i care about for that to work right now. So PLEASE, just STOP with everything.
/rant. I think. It hasn't changed a god damned thing, It hasn't helped. But sometimes you just can't fake that smile anymore
Sometimes you need to scream until your throat is bleeding its so raw. But I have flatmates and neighbours, so this is as good as I can do.
So there you go, that's what's happening with me.
Though admittedly, certain events have improved today considerably... watch this space....
Disillusioned twenty something who's watched too much sex and the city, read bridget jones' diary too much, and has a shameful love of Dawson's Creek attempts to attempts to write with a disarming amount of honest about the thoughts that go through his rather disturbed head, puctuated by music and images where he can be bothered
Currently blogging my attempts to skirt the bounds of mental stability, hold down a job, generally save everyone else's world multiple times per day, and not freak out every time I have sex with someone due to my relatively recent HIV diagnosis. Simple, huh?