So this was obviously a private conversation, but I've decided to share some parts of it, because it's the first time I think I've ever managed to properly put into words that do due justice to the truly platonic love I have for #Blondie
In worrying about him, and giving him more that he was giving me (cause he's hiding from his own demons in fairness) I failed you: by being too angry to wait for you; by being so angry it overrode my near constant impulse to look out for you in whatever way I can. You are one of the few people I can save, and sometimes I need to for my own sanity, and I failed you on that this weekend.
Sometimes I hold myself to an unnecessarily and unfairly high standard, it's silly I know. But you are one of the people I can consistently meet it for ... I know your safety isn't my responsibility, and it's not something I can ever guarantee, but it is something I can do, that I can't do for a lot of people, for a lot of people I wish I could ... never doubt that I will strive to do better by both of us next time.
In some very rare moments, I manage to articulate exactly what my feelings are, without losing anything along the way. This was one of them.