A steady, obnoxious beeping that eventually roused me from a deep and profound desire to just fucking die.
As I groggily came to, I wondered why I wasn't more dead.
Okay, I've had a good night's sleep, and things don't seem as hopeless as they did yesterday.
My asshole is doing as much to keep me alive as my brain.
As with most of life's problems, this one can be solved by a box of pure radiation.