No longer as truthful as should be deserved, some names, places and events deliberately vague to protect identities that aren't mine

Tuesday 25 December 2018

As we kiss hard on the lips and swear this year will be better then the last...

Christmas is like being drunk because you have urges to text people you probably shouldn't in the spirit of goodwill and tidings of the season and all that.

No. 1 on the list that I definitely should NOT under any circumstances text is my ex, because he's still an asshole, and still doesn't even realise he's an asshole.  If he ever comes to the realisation he's the one that fucked up his life I might reconsider, but even then, his re-crashing through my life back in August didn't exactly end well for either me or him so I think my head has finally just learnt whatever happened, he's now an insanely toxic person.

No 2. #bermudaboy.   Who was an asshole, but an asshole that realised he made a mistake and made a pretty genuine apology and continues to reach out.  But that doesn't erase the hurt or the future doubt, plus he's still in Bermuda and until that changes there's not much that can happen there aside from just both hurting oursleves by wanting people we can't have.

No. 3: #travelguy and this is one I really SHOULD text because there was fun stuff happening with him and then I kinda dropped off the face of the earth for him when ex-recrash happened (see 1 above) and I'd should, and would really like to, try and apologise for doing that to him, especially as he was going through some rough shit at the time.  But I should text him later, when it won't just get lost in the Christmas deluge.

No 4: #boy1 who I wanna text, but that's just cause I want an excuse to flirt, and I'm sort of struggling to find ways to do that with him easily cause we don't really hang out.  A long game I still have every intention of playing, but I don't think this is the right move.  New Year's probably is.

No 5: my best friend from primary school, mostly as a last ditch effort.  He's dropped off everyone who knew him's radar and I haven't heard from him except seeing the occasional fb post of his in years.  Which sucks.  And yes dropping off the face of the earth is a frustratingly recurring problem with my friends which when you have anxiety and abandomnent issues from a personality disorder causes ALL SORTS of problems, but I never really give up on people, no matter how much I probably should at times (see, again, 1, above)


But Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, whatever it might be to the rest of you.