No longer as truthful as should be deserved, some names, places and events deliberately vague to protect identities that aren't mine

Monday, 4 October 2010

De Amicitia

So I was drunkenly ordered to keep this blog going.  A friend of mine, who I see a lot less often than I should, but isn't that always the way as you grow up, told me it was her only link to me for the past year, and it's what gives her a sense of what's going on in my life, however trivial, becuase its the trivial things that friends want to know about, that make you friends, because they are the people who will give you sympathy when you've had a bad day at work, or will laugh at you with affection when you do something stupid.  So the blog shall seemingly continue, as I know she's not the only friend I don't do enough to keep up with that reads it.  And because when I'm having a really tough time, and the random people in my life who I don't expect to take enough notice spend all day making sure I'm okay, it sort of restores my faith in humanity a little bit, so everybody gets something out of it.

A non-descript friend said it was worrying that they relied on me, of all people, to go to when they're feeling messed up.  Because let's face it, I'm hardly the most stable, rational, or traditional of people.  If you're looking for someone to reassure you about the state of the world, you generally want to choose someone who at least sees the world, rather than dreams it up in their head.  And I'm nothing near not the standard type of friend, but my response was completely simple.

Why worrying, a best friend is supposed to be someone who gets you, where no-one else does.  Who you don't need to explain everything to.  Who you relate to differently than you might to other people and who knows different things about you.  They don't need to be the standard person in your life; they're there to be just as different as you are on the inside, so you know you're not completely crazy; that someone else out there is just as bad or worse than you, and will be especially worse for you when you need to feel good about yourself.

The candidates for my 'best friend', however I choose to score that one up, are all people who I can sit in a room with when I'm seething.  And anyone who's seen a proper temper rise in me knows I will throw and hit whatever is within range at that time, and there is no placating me, you just have to let me run out of energy - though, being an aries, that's usually in about 10 minutes: quick tempers, but not long lived ones. My best friends I can rant and rage at if I wanted to, but for some reason when I'm around them, I don't so much.  I can count the 'alone time' that I need to myself fairly regularly, even if I'm with them, because for some reason it works.  I can sit for 4 hours and not say a single word to them, not because we're watching a movie, but just because there's nothing that needs to be said, and be completely comfortable with that.  Best friends are the extraordinary people in your life, and 2 of the 3 people on my best friend list, I hardly ever get to see or even talk to.  But we don't need to, and even if I don't see them for 2 years, I can meet up with them and pick up our friendship as if there was no break between whatever word our last conversation with each other ended on.

That said, the way I respond to people when they want reassurance seems to be quite popular.  I don't really reassure people, or at least I won't say something because it's what you want to hear.  I'm generally qutie matter-of-fact in my consoling, but for a lot of people that seems to work.  Or they at least have the sense to come to me for that type of consoling only, and seek out other friends when they want someone who will lie to them.  Not that I'm putting the latter method down, we all need someone to tell us what we want to here rather than what we should here from time to time.  I just refuse to be that person.  But because of the method I go about sympathizing with people, it means people tend to listen to me.  Because when I say things like I did above, they know I mean it, they know that's how I truly view the world, and they know it's probably what they know on some level as well.  And when they just want someone who won't try to cheer them up, they know I will be the person standing there with the gin, saying "yes, the world is full of really really sucky crap, and i hate it and there's at least one day a week where all i want to do is scream too."  Sometimes, honesty works. Obviously sometimes this method backfires, on me or the friend I'm not sure which more, but there are other people to go to when you need to hear that it'll all be okay, and that there's a bright new beautiful tomorrow.   Sometimes, tomorrow should be spent in bed with the covers over your head.

No comments:

Post a Comment