No longer as truthful as should be deserved, some names, places and events deliberately vague to protect identities that aren't mine

Friday, 4 May 2012

A little TOO much fun...

Warning:  Post discusses sex, bowel movements, and other such overshares of information, so don't read this just before you eat.

So Tuesday night I went out in Manchester and got very very drunk.  As a result of this, at about 5am in the morning, I ended up fucking some random guy, without a condom.  It was hot, and the guy actually already had cum in his ass, which just ended up getting me off more.

That said, it was, a very stupid, drunken mistake.  I can be off my face in chariots on a saturday night on whatever substances and still maintain an awareness of risk, but apparently enough drink and I'll stop paying attention.  Now, of course, this isn't the first time I've fucked bareback.  When I'm in a relationship I almost always don't use condoms when I have sex with my partner.  I have, in moments of poor judgement, screwed around with people I know and ended up not using condoms.  And yes, even in a relationship both myself, and my partner have messed up and admitted to making foolish mistakes.  However in those cases, it was what could be argued as a calculated risk.  Mistakes to be sure, but the people I was fucking around with were people known to me, people I could be fairly confident of their sexual health, that I could be relatively certain got tested regularly, would inform me if I needed to be informed of anything, and were contactable if I needed to contact them for anything.  Tuesday night was a random guy, who I don't even know the name of, who was clearly not particularly selective in his choice of partner, and may have had anything, it wasn't really something my alcohol addled brain considered important to ask at the time.

So now I'm on PEP, which for the few readers of my blog who don't know, is basically anti-retroviral medication for HIV.  Not because I have HIV, but because PEP, if given within 72 hours of possible exposure to HIV and taken for a month may reduce the chance of contracting it, and frankly, in this instance, I'd rather be safe than sorry.  My relatively frequent visits to the US, and eventual schemes to move there, would become significantly harder, and in some instances impossible, were I to become positive.

Again, for those who don't know, I'm now basically on a month long course of some rather horrific and horrible medications, all of which come in big pills, and tend to cause nausea, vomiting, muscle ache, tiredness, diarrhoea, as standard acceptable and expected side effects, not to mention the severe ones.  It's 3 pills with a meal and 2 other pills 12 hours later.  On top of that I have extra pills to combat the diarrhoea and nausea that have to be taken on their own schedules.  To get all this took 4 hours in A&E wednesday, 3.5 hours at the STD clinic today, a fingerprick HIV test, 7 vials of blood taken, a full sexual health screen and I have to go back to the clinic next week for further tests and again at the end of the month long course to have all the tests done all over again.  USE CONDOMS KIDS!

So far I've been pretty lucky.  I've had a fair amount of nausea and of course cause my digestive system is special that leads to some pretty damn painful and intense muscle spasms as my intestines all cramp up.  No diarrhoea yet but my digestive system definitely doesn't like these drugs so I'm expecting some horrors there sooner or later.  I fell asleep for 3 hours earlier today I was so drained of energy and my muscles and joints are all achey all day.  But that's getting off pretty lightly compared to what some people get on PEP.  To top this all off the anti nausea pill I've been on numerous times before and it actually makes my body fairly ill, especially once I've been on it for a few days and the dosage in my system builds up.  So I can not take it and be ill from the HIV med induced nausea or take it and be ill from the supposed anti-nausea pill.  Fun huh?  That said, I've found eating helps to combat the nausea, so I'm basically gonna get fat right in time for the summer.  And right now, I don't have any nausea - on my last dose I took the 3 HIV meds and the anti-diarrhoea pill but not the anti-nausea one, so maybe I try that again tomorrow and that might lead to the least amount of side effects.  Maybe.  If I'm lucky.  Wishful thinking and all that...  Again, USE CONDOMS KIDS

It's actually kinda funny/interesting/potentially disturbing that a lot of people assume because of how I talk about sex, my approach to it, and the kind of sex life I have - things like going to bathhouses regularly etc, that I'm already positive and barebacking with anyone and everyone who asks.  I'm not, I have some sensibilities, I have some standards, as with my kink and life in general, I may engage in risky behaviours and activities from time to time, but they are all calculated risks.  I am negative, and I have no wish to become positive, stuck with yet another debilitating life long condition that is effectively terminal sooner or later, and requiring constant medications that come with endless amounts of side effects just to more or less stay alive. That's not me criticizing anyone who's positive, that's me saying its a horrible illness to have, and as I said, whilst the chance of me contracting HIV in this instance may be fairly minimal, I'd still rather be safe than sorry.

At any rate this may put my attendance to Full Fetish this weekend into question :(

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