No longer as truthful as should be deserved, some names, places and events deliberately vague to protect identities that aren't mine

Wednesday, 30 June 2010

Just to see you sets me off

Evelyn, Evelyn 
why do we bother to stay? 
why are you running away? 
don't you feel like severing? 
everything's just come together at last... 
it's broken, I don't want to play! 

we grew up, 
closer than most... 
closer than anything... 
closer than anything... 
shared our bed, 
and wore the same clothes 
talked about everything 
spoke about so many things 

what shall we wear tonight? 
what shall we eat today? 
can we go ice skating? 
but we just did that yesterday... 
should we be fireman? 
can we be astronauts? 
what if they find us? 
they're not looking anyway... 

Evelyn, Evelyn 
why do we bother to stay? 
why are you running away? 
don't you feel like severing? 
everything's just come together at last... 
it's broken, I don't want to play! 

fill my glass! 
let's drink a toast! 
this is our birthday... 
so, why are we weeping? 
at your side, I feel like a ghost... 
I wake up first and I stare at you sleeping... 

what shall we wear tonight? 
what shall we eat today? 
do you think I should marry him? 
but we just met him yesterday... 
should we be movie stars? 
will we be millionaires? 
I want to be famous! 
they're watching us anyway... 

Evelyn, Evelyn 
why do we bother to stay? 
why are you running away? 
don't you feel like severing? 
everything's just come together at last... 
it's broken, I don't want to play! 

we grew up, 
so very close... 
a parasite little host... 

I'm only trying to do what is best for us! 

well, I never asked for this! I never wanted this! 
all that I want is some time to myself! 

looking in your eyes, I'm coming home... 

just get away from me! 
please just stop touching me! 
you're always trying to be somebody else! 

now I realize I'm not alone... 

well, you're only scared of me! 
but you never cared for me! 
why don't you let me breathe? 
cause you never dare to be! 

cause you never listen, and you're always insisting on just reminiscing I feel something missing! 

I just want my privacy... why can't you leave me alone?
Evelyn Evelyn - Evelyn Evelyn

A Horse and Carriage is f*cking expensive

I dont really know how Chris puts up with this.  I know I wouldn't.  Which doesn't really help a lot of matters really cause that makes me feel shitty in a million and one ways.  But as I say, I don't know why he puts up with this.  Yes, it's cause he loves me, and this is the kind of thing that shows just how much he loves me.  And I'm probably a lot more glad that he puts up with it than if he didn't.  But I still don't understand it, and I still don't get why I would ever deserve it.

Despite all the badness being in a relationship can make you feel, and despite being in love with 2 guys, I do at least know one thing, which is that I want to marry Chris.  Given the opportunity, a part of me might like to marry Jack or Chris, but that's not an option and so I don't really ever think about it.  But what I mean is that when I think about getting married to Chris, everyone asks when the date is, and I go over in my head about how many people we can afford to invite and what kind of venue would be nice and how on earth we'll ever pay for this and such.  And whilst I'd love the big wedding in the beautiful venue, and my mother, having not been able to go to her other son's wedding for reasons of family complexity, would kill me if I ever did anything but, the entierty of me would very happily walk down to the registry office tomorrow, pay my £75 or whatever it is, and be married to him, just like that, with no-one else there, just me and him, and no expensive honeymoon or tuxedo or presents or speeches.  I'd do it just to be his boy.  in jeans and a tshirt.  with my scruffy falling apart shoes and hair that refuses to style and frayed denim on my jeans and av-oil stains down my tshirt.  And that's something that to me says, that with all the shit that goes through my head, and that I put him through, and all the times I wish my life were different, I do love him, and I do want to get married to him.

Paradox

I feel better.  Yesterday I spent all afternoon in bed watching eating out and pokemon.  Terence seemed muchly amused when he came home to found me in the same place he left me.  But I was in that exhausted ill state, so who cares.  I did get up and have 2 baths though, and they helped immensely.  Then we went to get spicy food, cause bizzarely, when my digestive system is fucked, stupendously hot spicy food is somewhat helpful.  My stomach felt a lot better.  I think the stupid amounts of redbull I'm drinking whenever we go out might be setting me off somewhat.  Will test this theory at some point.

Terence managed to pull the trick off yesterday of saying something with such confidence and cockiness that it came off sexy instead of arrogant.  I  love guys who know they can do that.  And he knew exactly why he was doing it too.   It made me smile stupidly, and then he kissed me :)

It was when we went out that night that things kinda went to hell.  I'm a staunch believer that the bad parts of your life are as much a part of who you are as the good, that you have to live with them to be the person you are today, that they shape you just as strongly as anything good that might happen to you, that all the pain, hurt, trauma, suffering, angst, anxiety, is all worth it because that's what makes the person I admire..  But yet when I see something bad happening to someone I really care about, I would give anything for them to avoid that pain.  Terence ended up getting screwed over massively last night, and it's an awkward situation where we love each other, and so I want to take care of him and pull him into me and hold him until all the demons go away again, but at the end of the day we're not boyfriends, I don't know how he works off by heart, and there are some things that no matter who you are, you can't help with.

At least, with my stomach vaguely settled, and in spite of his emotional vulnerability, he opted to go for the 'fuck the hell out of the boy you care about' method to distract him from his thoughts for a good half an hour.  At least it means I got to sleep with the boy I love once whilst I was with him.  I really hope I get to again, though I doubt I will due to circumstances surrounded last night and our future plans for this weekend.   Terence knows exactly how to balance that mix of rough aggressive dominant top, with I love you and want you to be mine though, and at the end of the day, I'm a bottom boy, I love getting fucked, and I love getting fucked by the boys I love.

One day, probably next year, things are gonna get reeeeaaaaally awkward.  Because to see Terence again, either I'll have to go the US without Chris again, spending money which I should be spending on the both of us, and haave to continue to do that anytime I wanna see Terence, which would happily be everyday if they ever invented teleporting.  Or, Terence will come to the UK, in which case "Chris can the other boy I'm in love with that you're not totally keen on come stay with us in our house" isn't going to go down too well I suspect.  Either that, or I'll just randomly disappear without warning for few days.  Whatever path I choose, I'm screwed, in trouble, and deservedly so.

Sometimes I wish I didn't love anyone.  I don't think I could choose between them, and it's not even as if combining the aspects of each of Chris, Jack and Terence that I love into a single being would love, cause for many parts of them, I love the same things about them, even though they're completely different to each other.  And putting the same aspect of a body & personality into one thing 3 times is just asking for some sort of genetic-zombie schizophrenia to develop.  Some days I honestly think my life would be easier if I'd never met or fallen for any of them.

Its a bitch living in a world of what if's, where each what if retroactively sends an infinite other number of what if's backwards and forwards along the course of my life.  Talk about your chaos theory.  What if I ever properly tried to pursue things with Terence, or Jack, instead of Chris?  But then what if I wasn't with Chris.  What if I was with Chris.  What if I'm with Chris and it falls apart one day.  What if wanting Jack and Terence so badly damages the best part of my life?  Whatever I do with my life, I'm always going to wonder what-if.  And I don't care about that for normal things, what if i took this job over another etc.  But where love is concerned, everyone knows all logic goes out the window.

And yes, you can probably tell, being  with Terence, just for a few days, makes me wish I could be with him more.  Just like I wish I could be with Jack.  Just like I  wish I could be with Chris and not have 2 other boys to miss and hurt over because of it.  Seeing Jack or Terence always makes me both worse with dealing with the entire situation, as well as better.  And I really don't like the thought of how I'm going to have to approach the situation in another few months.  Moving in with Chris is generally great, but changes my life in so many ways that I'm not ready for, and that I'm not entirely sure I can be selfless enough to give up. I don't think I'd ever be selfless enough for anyone.  Which just leads my mind back to the thought that part of me wishes I didn't love anyone.

I'm gonna be a wreck by the time I get back to the UK

Tuesday, 29 June 2010

Did someone put an intestinator in me as a child?

If you get the reference, seriously, that would explain so much.  Maybe there's just yellow and red lines all around the world that I can't see and keep accidentally crossing as a result.


I'm in a lot of pain currently.  My digestive system has fucked up, as it is want to do, and seemingly with a sense of irony as it tends to do it at the most inopportune moments.  Moderate screw ups happen every 3 weeks or so (minor screw ups being just the daily norm); Major ones happen every 6-9 weeks.  This is a major one.  It means I get stomach cramps.  Which gives completely the wrong idea about what they feel like.  Any woman who argues to me that men can't understand the pain of childbirth; I beg to differ.  At least when you're giving birth, chances are you're stoked full of an epidural, or  in a water bath or whatever.  Chances are you haven't doubled over in the middle of crossing the road without warning, because your muscles decided to spasm.

Chris, having known me for a good 6 years, and known me when I was a lot worse too, can vouch for the fact that when I get bad cramping, I might as well be having labour contractions, yet trying to live a daily life.  I double over, I collapse, in the brief moments between spasms I walk with the speed of an octogenarian wearing plaster casts on both feet.  It's not pleasant.  And it generally lasts 3 days.  For a gastric system that is otherwise devoid of nerve endings, stomach cramps seem to be something it feels rather acutely.  There's a small plus side to this, it means I have obscenely developed stomach muscles; I honestly think i could bend a steel bar with the strength of these crampings.  But mostly, it's just fucking painful, leaves me exhausted, and usually covered in a lot of sweat.  I am, for all intents and purposes, chronically ill when going through them.

Yes yes, I know, fibre, water, pepto-bismal, all that.  My body doesn't process them properly, which is where the whole medical problem with my gastric system comes about, so piling more on top when I'm already in middle of some severe debilitation is not going to help matters.  Unfortunately the only thing I can really do is let it run its course, and after a few days of being horrifically ill, things will settle down for a little while again.  I just wish it didn't have such a sense of timing.

As I say, it generally chooses the most inopportune moment to give me the major episodes.  I'm currently having one whilst seeing the boy I love in America who I haven't seen for 4 months, and have no clue when I'll ever see again.  Knowing my body, it'll decide I'm due another one in about 5 weeks, just when I get back from the US and see Chris for the first time in a month and a half. -_-  Thing is, this wouldn't be so bad, if it negated my sex drive at the same time, but no, I'm usually on heat, for lack of a better term, whilst feeling like the equivalent of having just come down with TB.  With a similar level of attractiveness too.  Great.  Just great.

Whilst Chris by virtue of knowing me and seeing the effects of it for several years, and Joel, by virtue of having his own childhood medical nightmares that continue to haunt him, both give me lots of sympathy and understanding during these periods, which is just as well what with being one of my best friends and my fiance.  But at the same time, it's quite nice being with Terence at the moment with it.  For all I'd much, much rather not have it around him, he is someone who not just sympathizes, but knows exactly what I'm going through, because the boy has a similar, in fact, more fucked digestive system than I do.  He has also collapsed  in the middle of the street; he knows why I say its like giving birth, and he knows that there's bugger all that can be done about it, and that I'll get over it eventually, and then have to go through it all over again in 2 months or so.  And that's kinda nice in a way.  Sympathy and someone who can relate through issues of their own is amazing, and great, but having someone who has the same issues as you is like going that extra mile, its a little thing that shouldn't really matter, but it does, a lot.

I'm on day 2 of this, I'm really hoping there isn't a day 3.  Though of course, the universe being what it is, Just as I'm in the middle of it about to start coming back up out the other side, Terence has started to go down.  I am going to be so fucking pissed if by the time I can actually fuck that boy's brains out like I've wanted to since he picked me up in his car, he's then too ill to do anything.  Karma owes me.  I'm going after that bitch's ass.  Something owes me at least.  And if I can't take down Karma, I'll re-crucify Jesus along the way.  If the universe implodes or there's a big flash of light in the sky that screws everything up, at least know I'll be having some fucking awesome sex to make up for it.

Otherwise, plans for the day are to generally curl in in the foetal position trying not to cry or cause myself internal bleeding from the strength of the muscle tension, and possibly watch V in the fleeting moments I get where I can concentrate on the world that isn't my intestinal system.

Monday, 28 June 2010

When you're smiling, your body apparently decides to fuck up to compensate

Well recent times have been surreal...

After my last day in NYC I headed up north to New England. I caught the train to New Haven, which meant I got to go from Grand Central, so yey, and was picked up by Terence who had driven 2 hours to come get me. The plan was go up and see Terence for a few days and get time with him, before he drove us both over to my friend Patrick's on Cape Cod for 4th July weekend. Terence was trying so fucking hard bless him. When we were talking about what day I was coming up he was saying how he wanted to take me out in Boston for the night, he wanted to take me out with his friends and have me meet them. Like I say, he's trying so damned hard. And it's really sweet.

So after he picked me up we went out to Boston, and he bought me lunch, and took me to see Toy Story 3, and paid for drinks and entrance to House of Blues' gay night. And I got hyped up on Vodbulls and danced like crazy. The scene of the night then developed as follows:

Having been taken out by the american boy I'm in love with, spent a good hour on the dancefloor with my fingers up some boy's ass whilst he had my dick out of my pants jerking me off, whilst terence danced/flirted/pulled the boy he's currently interested, me terence and his boytoy ended up back at the boytoy's house, where I watched the two of them fall in love with each other over shisha and some late night half drunken hazed deep and meaningful conversations about life the universe etc. And I had a big grin on my face about it the entire time. And when I went to sleep on the couch whilst Terence and boytoy went to bed together, I knew I was doing exactly what the universe had planned for me at that moment, and I was smiling about it.


To the British sentiment, Terence is loud, obnoxious, coarse, abrasive, the fairly typical bad example of an American. By American standards he's actually fairly reasonable, but Brits won't get on with his personality a lot, I get that, he's your standard jock boy with all that that entails, and I understand why other people won't necessarily get on with him. It's been 4 months since I saw him last, not a huge time to be fair, and yes, we've spoken most days inbetween, but Terence, and Jack, because of the circumstances surrounding them, always leave me with a slight nagging doubt that maybe I don't love them as much as I thought I did, maybe I got in over my head, maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder, it forgets the bad and embellishes the good. So its always an amazing feeling, when I do see either of them, that I find myself seeing all of the reasons I love them all over again, and my mind hasn't made anything up, it hasn't inflated things, this person really is that amazing as far as I'm concerned.

Terence is dark, and twisted, and broken, and fucked up, and horny, and a bad boy that you have to accept will screw around, and hurt you, and generally be an asshole, or its going to be doomed. He also has such a big heart; he's so compassionate and caring. He spends 20 hours a week looking after disabled kids. He'll make one hell of a kick-ass nurse, the kind that will make you laugh when you're gonna die of cancer in the next 2 days. He's sweet and does little, simple things that show just how much he cares. He went to the store and came back with giant bottle of moutain dew which i hadn't asked for, cause he remembers me saying I love the stuff the other day. He bought chocolate or flowers home for his ex when they were together, just to let the boy know he'd thought about him in the day. He'd rather pull 3 sickies and spend 3 days in bed, than book time off work and go on some romantic trip somewhere. For all my cynicism and realism and practicalities, there's a little drama queen in me. early 20th century style. hollywood style. When I storm out the building and go running off down the street all I really want is for you to run after me, turn me around, pull me into you and kiss me. And thhe music would start playing in my head and I'd forget and forgive whatever the hell it was I'd stormed off about in the first place. I know its stupid and fucked up and ridiculous, and I might see this boy once a year if I'm lucky. But being here just reinforces the point. I really fucking love him. Just to see him interact with people shows me why. And the way he interacts with me; I don't even have to ask myself how he feels about me.


That said, the universe isn't without a sense of irony, even when I spend a night catering to its whims. Having run off from my home country, my fiance, my best friends, all of it, for 6 weeks to jolly off round the US, and met up with the boy I'm in love with, the universe decided now would be a fucking brilliant 3 days for medical issues to flare up, and my ddigestive system to stop functioning. Which stops me from actually having sex with the randy-assed dirty as hell boy I'm with. Fuck you Karma. You made your point. Now piss off or I WILL find a way to destroy you somehow.  Frustration, annoyance, anger, do not begin to cover it.

Saturday, 26 June 2010

Empire state of Mind

I can't believe I just quoted Jay-Z as a post title.

Last day in NY today, a mere 3. I'm missing all the pride fun, boo, but I get to head up to the glorious cape cod, so things could be worse. I haven't made it out to lady liberty yet, cause that takes time, but I might do it on my way back in August.

Today was museum day pretty much, I did the Guggenheim, Metropolitan, and Modern Art Museums. The Guggenhiem is the famouss round spiral like one. There were quite a few things I liked in there, mostly the media projects actually. At the top of the spiral its actually qutie a long way down to jump, and the 3ft wall and sporadic guards aren't gonna do a lot if you're determined; it's a fall that'd definitely hurt, maybe if you land in the right/wrong place you'd get a death out of it.

The Museum of Modern Art was rather disappointing. Maybe it's just my taste in modern art that it doesn't appeal to, but I did the whole thing in 45 minutes. SFMoMa is way better. NY seemed to be very focused on finding what was modern that could be called art; they had dysons and televisions from the 50s and telephones and vacform plastic chairs and such,; as opposed to what's art that happens to be modern. Also, having just seen Red the night before again, reiterating the reasons why Rothko paintings are designed for dimly lit spaces, it was rather pointless to find the 3 they had in a fully bright gallery streaming with natural light. Maybe gallery curators should go see plays about the artists they exhibit...

The Metropolitan Museum however, was a pleasant surprise, much more so than I expected to be. Think the British museum, but American super-sized. This thing stretches across about 3 blocks. Inside, was a full size italian church, complete with vaulted ceilings. And that was ONE gallery. I got completely lost in there, I have no idea if I covered everything or not. They had many period rooms of american history (cause american like to pretend 200 years gives them extensive history), many stately home sytle period rooms, exhibiting renaissance european style, mostly things like rococo and french louis XVIth, and even I enjoyed wandering round those, wishing I lived in somewhere with a bookcase 12ft high made of mahogany and a marble bookstand taller than me. There was nothing exceptional I noted in the greek/roman period rooms, though the native american and south american native art gallerys had some amazing pieces in. HIGHLY worth a look if you find yourself in the New York area. Just head to the right area, you can't miss it once you're in the vicinity.

I also saw some of the good old New York shops. Barneys men's store has an entire level devoted to Armani and Prada. Aside from that, there was nothing of great interest at the moment.

Finally, I did th e Brooklyn Bridge walk today. Despite Lawrence's arguments, and whilst I acknowledge with respect the achievements of the Brooklyn Bridge, to me, it still has nothing on the Golden Gate. From the lesser weight, to the rusting paintwork, to the paltry size of the cables, it just can't compare. The Golden Gate deals with things the Brooklyn bridge doesnt. A national monument in the way,; ludicrously strong currents, a much great span distance, the golden gate is a much bigger symbol in my head. Yes, I've admitted I'm a bridge geek before. One thing I will say for the Brooklyn Bridge, it's a lot harder to commit suicide off it, still easily doable, but relatively much harder.

I think I only walked 50 city blocks and one bridge today, which is an improvement, but not by much, oh dear. Still, there will be cars with people to drive me around in them for the next little while.

Happy Birthday Joel. And sorry for the headache you're about to receive.


Song of the moment: Jacob Diefenbach - Last One Running

Friday, 25 June 2010

Something borrowed something blue something old something new york

Cash in wallet: $80
City blocks walked: Approx 150
Equivalent Mileage: 7-8
Money spent on rehydration: $30

New York is big. Much bigger than London. Being crammed into a tiny island, I kinda figured it'd be of a roughly comparable size, at least in terms of the tourist spots, but no, it's big. And of course I can't be arsed with metro trains, and buses and such. I walk everywwhere. As such, in the last 2 days I've walked about 150 city blocks. That's madness for anyone who knows america. No-one walks 10 blocks, let alone 150. This is why everyone in America has a car. To give you an idea, that's about 8 miles, and sure, 4 miles a day isn't that much, but add into that the heat, oh my god the heat, and the humidity; hydration is not possible here, its more a case of wetting your mouth with liquid and waiting the 10 seconds for it to evaporate. Isotones and Electrolytes do not begin to cover it. On the plus side, it means I'm drinking lots of good stuff, coconut water, fruit juices etc. Downside, it costs me a lot.

The neighbourhoods are a lot less distinct here, thoug I'll grant you I havent got to chinatown or little italy yet. But, certainly as a foreigner, it's hard to tell the difference walking between the different areas of the island, its not like the difference between camden, bond street, covent garden, and shoreditch, which is pretty damned obvious. and the area its spread out over is roughly comparable. Sure, as you go up by the side of central park, it gets more obvious that the people living in the Upper East Side on 5th Avenue clearly have money, but still...

Americans do know how to do their breakfasts, and no-one more so that New Yorkers, that's one of the few things I did have time to properly notice on my fleeting visit years ago. The hostel does breakfast. It does cereal and pancakes and waffles and fruit and toast and juice and.... There are 20 loaves of bread out at breakfast. Not to mention the wonderful deli's all over the city that offer one hell of a breakfast for $5-10. Breakfast is something I really love about America, and I really love it about New York. They go all out on them. Shockingly, despite being here for 3 days now, I have yet to eat any bacon. This will be rectified next week.

I went to the WTC site; it's interesting. You can't really see that much of it anymore, as its surrounded by construction fences and there's a big detour that sends you quite wide of the site, but its still obvious; a giant wound in the skyline of an area otherwise filled with towering skyscrapers. Only in Central Park do you get a similar amount of wide open sky above you. Nearly 10 years later, traffic marshalls still tightly control the flow of both vehicular and pedestrian traffic around the site; detours are still in place, and preset siren signals give warning of any demolitions work taking place. And it currently shows no signs of being finished anytime soon. That's a lot of devastation, and a lot of effort to keep business ongoing as usual around it. Interestingly, the buildings around the site, have all been seamlessly renewed, their marble, granite and glass fronts gleaming like any other skyscraper in the city.

I went to see Red last night. I'd seen it in London, at the Donmar warehouse. I've blogged about it before, it's about the life/work of Mark Rothko. I saw it in a 250 thrust theatre, and it transferred over to Broadway in a 800 pros arch setting. I went as a techie geek, to see difference in staging. The sense of a 'studio' is much greater, by virtue of having 3 walls to play with; the actors can move around a bit more; but the intensity of the play was reduced. Maybe this was just because I was all the way up in the gallery for the cheap seat, but in the Donmar production, you were so close you felt you were part of the studio, you were there as the arguments over life and art happened, and the ferocity of the play's signature scene, the priming of a canvas, was so raw and powerful it swept over you like a tidal wave, dragging anything attempting to resist it along its path by the sheer brute force of the emotion portrayed. And that disappeared in this. Don't get me wrong, it was still a great scene, and an outstanding play, it's won 6 tony's: best play, supporting actor, director, sound, lighting, and set design. One of the audience as I was leaving said "the best play i've seen in new york in years". But it was definitely lacking compared to what I saw in London. And yet still worth every cent.

The girls here are amazing. Lots of them are wearing this brilliant fashion, hats and long flowy dresses and shoes not designed for walking in. This must be the only place in the world where the fashion women are wearing actually looks like what was on the catwalk 9 months ago. It's stunning, both as a gay and a straight man. It's hard to understand why everyone else isn't turning their head and watching them walk past, but then they must be so used to it. Sex and the City has clearly left its mark here, and for the better.

Speaking of sex and the city, I went to the NY Public Library the other day. I saw, and stood, exactly where Carrie Bradshaw was dressed with a bird in her head in Vivienne Westwood couture. This wasn't hard to do, having watched it on the plane on the way over, so I remembered pretty good. Unfortunately the front of the library is all covered in scaffolding; it appears to be public works restoration year, it was the same all over Amsterdam when I went there. The inside of the library however is spectacular. I don't think the UK has anything that comes close, or certainly London doesn't. SUre there's the British Library, but thats all specialist pay-for-entry exhibitions, or you have to apply for reader access and then can only take a pad and a pencil in and nothing else and its fairly restrictive as an actual 'library'. Here, I walked in, as a foreigner, and a tourist, and I could go into the reading rooms, and call up any book to read; I could use the computers for internet; I could get wireless access for my laptop. All without a readers card, having just walked in off the street from anywhere in the world, and I could do it all in an absolutely beautiful setting. We need more libraries like this. Open access, inspiring, the sort of place that actively encourages you to learn just by being there.

I'm travelling alone, which has both its up and its downsides. I can do anything I want, I can go anywhere I please, I can um and aah and change my mind and get there however I want when I want. But I don't have someone to share things with, I don't have someone to enjoy the experiences with, I don't have someone to take pictures where I wouldnt. I'm quite a hard person to travel with, because I'm so damned relaxed about it. I'm here for 6 weeks and until yesterday I had no idea what I was doing beyond tomorrow. Other people like to at least know they have somewhere to stay before going to a city, they like to know how long they have, they like to not have $20 a week to live off, they like to not spend money they don't have, they like to rest, and take coffee breaks, not walk around in the pouring rain and the sweltering heat for hours on end like I do. And someone who wasn't like me on a trip like this would drive me insane. It's too much stress to allay their worries and concerns all the time, to deal with their stress over where we're going to sleep the next night. I like travelling alone, and all the freedoms that entails, but sometimes it would be nice if there was someone equally as crazy as me to come with me.

New Orleans and Boston plans have largely been axed, due to a lack of money, which at least means I'm not visiting EVERYWHERE chris wants to go without him. Heading up north tomorrow; hopefully at House Of Blues in Boston tomorrow night if I'm lucky. Then the cape for 4th July. Down to DC to stay with my friend Sean, then I think I'm gonna head over to west coast for a few weeks in California, my home away from home. As for today, I gotta cram all my tourism into today as I thought I'd have tomorrow as well but no longer due to needing to head up North. This probably means I can't go to the anamanaguchi gig tonight :( But instead I shall go to the museums today. I haven't been to the statue of liberty as yet; I shall do that on my return trip in august.


Love and kisses, sorry for the long rather disjointed selection of things to write about, but at least it's keeping you up to date with that's going on with me