Marching Orders

**There are some minor edits and formatting changes still to be done to this post, but I've decided to post it up while it's still fresh in my mind**

I've said it plenty - I don't really consider myself to have 'fantasies' by and large - long term wishlist items to tick off a sexual bucket list.   I try in most things in life to go in with our expectations - you're not disappointed if the format is different from what you played out in your head, and can even be pleasantly surprised.

That said, while I consider what happened recently/is about to happen following that to be a scenario in an ongoing roleplay, I've no doubt a lot of you will most definitely have had a fantasy along these lines.

Well it's happening to me and I get to live it so I'm going to brag and take the opportunity to make you all jealous because WHY THE HELL WOULDN'T YOU?!?! (Obviously that will only be apparent once you've read the full post and learned about what's going on)

#superaggressivefb beats me up fairly regularly.  I love it and enjoy being in pain as part of sex in general.  This is all well documented by now.  I'm single and not exactly an obedient sub and believe the bottom is always in charge anyway,  so I'm ultimately free to do whatever the hell I like, and whilst I certainly wouldn't say #superaggressivefb owns me, he does dominate and control me a hell of a lot of the time

#superaggressivefb has someone who beats him up, who as before, we shall name #Boss to indicate the hierarchy.

I've met #Boss with #superaggressivefb a few times and we've all played together - by which I mean they let me get a few pretend hits in and then I usually end up on the receiving end of both of them.  #Boss and #superaggressivefb have a dynamic.  #superaggressivefb and I have one.  #Boss and I haven't had enough time together to find ours yet but we learn more each time.

We all met up.  With the intention of fighting (and fucking) all day.  

#superaggressivefb and #Boss were planning a big fight towards the end of the day - 6 rounds of pretty damn hard going.  These boys do not play lightly.
They put a wager on the fight - Me.

If #Boss won, I'd be his until Christmas.  

We'd also get to beat up #superaggressivefb together - meaning I'd get to lay into him as hard as I liked to.  I have 3 speeds with almost everything in life - 0/not bothered enough to notice, comfortably coasting and hyperactive.  In physical aggression this translates to unable to (e.g. too deep in subspace), good effort but not gonna make the cut I'm afraid,  and the point at which adrenaline kicks in and everything goes off the charts. 

We've never properly let me let down my control enough to reach that third point yet - we want to - but it's unpredictable to both of us and we have no idea where it will go or end up.  But we want to.  And here would be the chance to do so.

There were other bits of fights and play during the day, but eventually we were all in the right mood.  I kitted them both up.  They squared off against each other.  I was paraded up between the both of them as the prize at stake.  And then began round one.

It was hard.  #Boss always goes pretty hard when I see him.  He loves it and gets into it but means he sometimes ramps up way beyond where other people can meet him on a similar level.  #superaggressivefb was going for it though. He wasn't trying not to lose, or avoid getting hurt too badly, he was determined to win this time.   These were not light blows and it was not for show.
It was in a living room so limited space sure,  but enough to dance around each other and swing a full punch.  It was intense.  And incredibly fucking horny.

6 rounds, 2 minutes each.  That's a lot of time to repeatedly punch and defend if you've never tried it.  A lot of hits to take either way.  #superaggressivefb caught a vicious blow in the third and struggled to recover.  Repeated hits brought him down in the fourth and fifth rounds and he didn't manage to get up again in the fifth.  He was trying.  He really wanted to win this one.  Seeing that was a huge turn on in itself - what it said about the dynamic between us even beyond this roleplay.

But he lost.  So now he has to ask #Boss for permission to use me.

We ran out of time and I wasn't in the proper headspace to let myself go on #superaggressivefb.   But the prize handover so to speak has been arranged.  There's two nights coming up when #Boss has the place to himself.  The original plan (and my cock can't help but be disappointed a little this isn't happening cause it's so obviously hot) would be that #superaggressivefb would bring me to the flat (he has keys) the first evening before #Boss gets home.  Strip me, tie me down to the bed, make sure I was lubed up and then leave me there exposed until #Boss came home.  Then it's up to #Boss how he uses me over the following few nights.  

Unfortunately #superaggressivefb is now away with work those dates, so I'll be given keys to let myself in.  I can't tie myself up.  But I'm still expected to be face down on the bed, naked, and lubed ready.

It's horny as fuck.   I'm so excited and can't wait but I'm also admittedly, and probably sensibly, a little bit scared - #Boss goes HARD.  Harder than #superaggressivefb does.  And I don't go down without fighting.  I react.  I lash out.  Very few people would do that to #Boss.  And none of the three of us have worked out if I will yet.  That could be very dangerous - #Boss naturally loves those who fight back, but then he comes back even harder than before.  I've in fact been ordered by #superaggressivefb not to react.  I can surpress it if I have to.  It's a visible concerted effort, but I can use the anger to hold my fists firm in place rather than move them if have to.  It's also going to be the first time #Boss and I will be playing by ourselves - we'll be working out the dynamic and boundaries as we go.  It's going to be intense and definitely painful.   But oh god is it going to be fun.

So, to sum up.
My dom took me to get abused by one of his friends
He then traded me to his friend to see fit as he used for a period of time.  I was ordered to do anything I was told, and importantly, to not fight back.
I'm going to stay at the friends for a few nights soon.  I've been given keys and he's expecting to find me face down, ass up and lubed upon his return home.
He may or may not bring others home with him.
I'll probably get woken up at 4am or whatever time the mood takes him just like when I stay at #superaggressivefb's
I'm allowed to get my revenge on my dom for all of this.
I'm almost certain several of you have had this fantasy.  Maybe with less punching.  Maybe not - maybe your version involves you being forcibly kidnapped first.

There is a lot more to this story.  And there are other scenarios to follow from it yet planned.  But those details remain my secret horny knowledge until I choose otherwise.

Fickstuckenmarkt

A friend's comment on the British version of the Horse Fuck Fair, which is run by a safe sex promoter, but by all accounts (admittedly not my own first hand experience,  so I can't confirm) has vast amounts of barebacking happening at it:

"like, if you're the kind of person who wants to go to a horse-themed sex party, chances are you're more interested in bb than not-bb

or am I wrong?"

I don't think it could be summed up better really.

Statistics

In the 9 or so months we've been playing, I think I've cum with #superaggressivefb maybe 5 times.  He does better, but it's maybe 15?

We've played a whole lot more than that.

Good sex doesn't have to mean orgasm.  Or anything even attempting to get there.  Good sex is silly and fun and you get lost in the moment and its just about the fact you both enjoy whatever's going on and get turned on by it.
Orgasms are great.  But not seeing them as the end goal is important I think.  Kinksters are often better at this I think because so much of what they/we do is 'foreplay'

Good sex people, go get some.

Living for the weekend

My old roommate came to stay.  We have a joke that we're not boyfriends.  I don't have any kind of romantic love for him.  He's not a soulmate.  But he's... a part of me?  ...a kindred spirit?
I realised how much I missed him.  How much I need him.  How much the little, quiet things he does became critical parts of my coping mechanisms.  He's so emotionally astute he acts before you even knew you needed him to. 

I remembered just how much of my support network I catastrophically lost within a matter of weeks.  How much everything fell apart at the same time.
I realized how I haven't managed to rebuild anything even resembling one facet of that structure.

I'm living for my escapes right now - a weekend off away from the world; the pain of getting beat up for sexual gratification; an afternoon where a fake world on a boardgame is the only version of reality; the heavy, struggling-to-breathe ache of a little too much hard liquor to 'celebrate' another week I've got through; a hockey game that feels as if I have an identity aside from the ones I absorb from other people.

I smile, I laugh, I experience the incomprehensible love my friends have for me. 
There are momentary brief incandescent flashes of blinding life.
But I still can't find a reason to fight, a reason to live for, something to strive towards. 

No one can say a word and give me that, I don't expect them too, it's not some misunderstanding that there's nothing good for me.  Bright burning moments just become anomalous data points in a generally declining lifeline. 

I still think about suicide daily.  I'm still trying to work out a plan that will succeed, that's viable, that's accessible.  Still just going through the motions until then for lack of anything else to do.  To keep occupied.  
If not I'd sit there, passively depressed.

I don't want to be passively depressed, I actively want to not be here constantly doing everything that is living. 

Even sleep.  Sleep is easier than most admittedly, but it's still something you do, and I'm seemingly more aware of my sleeping than most people, I notice the time pass while I sleep, and its something that takes effort, exertion, time, commitment, concentration.  Its less demanding, and importantly usually less taxing, than being awake, but it is still living.
And I am tired of living.

Bathhouse Etiquette

I have a larger post on bathhouses\sex clubs to come, and there are important differences between the two that arent covered in the following, bur Ryan Cummings has written a brilliant post on what to do\expect at the bathhouse.

http://flyinryan-studlybottom.blogspot.ca/2014/03/the-ins-and-outs-of-bathhouses-and-sex.html

The above link is just a blog post full of text; anywhere else you navigate to on that blog almost certainly has NSFW porn pics on it.

Like I say I have more comments to come, but wanted to bring attention to this.

In Conversation With.... Myself

I'm watching '3 Day Weekend' which is one of those trashy TLA gay releasing movies, and this is the conversation I have with myself about the film's plot:

 This is clearly a movie about people and their sexual hang-ups.  I'm gonna get annoyed aren't I

 My issue isn't so much GET OVER IT PEOPLE (though that too), its more BE FUCKING HONEST ALREADY.  You don't like something, or you're not comfortable with a situation, say so for god's sakes, it's fix SO MANY relationship issues

 See and now, because you waited till your boyfriend was gone to sleep with the other guy, it looks like you're sneaking around and now he's obviously gonna walk in on you both early and throw a hissy and you just shoulda all had a threesome and got it over with.

I should never, ever be allowed to be in any kind of position that requires me to give relationship and/or sex advice to people.  It'd end OH SO BADLY.  Like lawsuit-badly.

EDIT:  Turns out when the guy got back they did actually have a threesome, he then kicked his partner out of bed and stayed fucking the third wheel as revenge sex.  And then they broke up.  Go figure.

Remember Remember...

Most of the time I don't think about it,

Like it happened to someone else.

Then it hits me, and I, uh, can't stop crying...

You know that phrase, 'today is the first day of the rest of your life'.  Well that's true.  They just don't always point out that might not be a good thing.

The last week has been all kinds of hell, and is one I won't be forgetting anytime soon.  Friends, and loves, have had their worlds fall apart around them, and then mine started to crumble too.

Halloween is my favourite holiday in the entire year.  It's a day when everyone goes to hell with expectations and taboo and the concept of what's acceptable and permissible and let's just go with it.  We are given the liberty, for one day in the year, to be something we're not, or we always wanted to be, or just for the hell of it.  We're given permission to gorge ourselves on candy, even when we're long past the age of knocking on doors for it and just go buy it from the store ourselves.  And for one day, we don't cast those judgemental looks at people who eat some strange food, or walk down the street wearing bizarre clothes, or act crazy and play pranks on coworkers and the like.

Halloween is a day I always look forward to every year.

And then this year, this happened:

That's my rapid HIV test from the sexual health clinic last Wednesday.  The top faint red line in the middle is the control.  The second red line shows it was reactive.

So yeah, that's happening...

And today, the 5th November, I had the full bloodwork results back that confirmed this.  So here's a post about that.  It's going to be all over the place because that's what my mind is like right now, but there you go.



I guess first, why in the hell am I blogging about this and putting such a thing out on the internet?!?!  Well, I know who tends to read this blog, and they're people already know, or would find it out or work it out sooner or later anyway.  It's a way for me to articulate, and work through my own feelings and thoughts on the matter, and record the development of those over time.  It gives me a way to say some of the things I might not be able to face saying in person.  And the people who know me, or read my blog regularly, know I'm fairly upfront and honest about things.  I'm not gonna insert something into a conversation for the sake of it, but if something's relevant I tend to have no problem being matter of fact about it.  If something major is happening in my life and I'm thinking about it a lot, it's gonna end up on my blog one way or another.

So how am I doing?  Honestly, I have no idea.  It hasn't really sunk in yet.  I'm doing that wonderful detachment and shock thing that tends to accompany such news, and that I'm a hardcore pro at especially.  Occasionally a wave of emotion hits me, and all I want to do is cry.  But I very rarely cry.  I've mentioned that in past posts.  And so far, I've teared up a little, but I haven't properly cried about it.  It'll hit me eventually.

I had the appointment for the confirmation at 2pm today.  Since about 2am this morning I was so completely terrified.  I couldn't eat or drink anything I was so nervous.  I've never been nervous like that.  I don't get nervous by and large, but even when I do, it doesn't give me any kind nausea, just anxiety.  But today I couldn't face anything before that appointment.

I spent the 5 days in between the fingerprick test and today's appointment trying to gear myself up to the concept.  Oh sure, it might be a false positive, and I'd been on PEP not that long ago which can fuck with the readings.  But everyone hopes for a false positive, and they are still very much the minority outcome.  Chances are, if the fingerprick tests shows up, you've got it.  Plus I found it easier to start the lengthy process that will be coming to terms with this 5 days earlier and then hope that I could breathe a huge sigh of relief today, than rely too much on what turns out to be false hope and get crushed all over again.

The weekend I got so high I couldn't think straight.  And everytime coherent thoughts started to form in the back of my head, I went and got higher.  And this worked for 3 days.  Until some time in the early hours this morning.  Sure, it might not have been the best or most advisable method of coping with the news, but it worked for me, so who's to argue?  But eventually, morning comes, and you have to stop standing idly in that shower for no real reason, and turn the water off and face the fact there real world is still out there waiting for you, and doesn't stop.


The diagnosis is made all the harder by the fact that I was genuinely not expecting a positive result.  Oh sure, I've been idiotic at times.  If this had happened this time last year it would still have sucked, but I'll freely admit I was being stupid and wouldn't have been surprised by the result.  But since January there's always been some kind of 'significant other' type figure in my life, and quite frankly, I take CONSIDERABLY better care of myself in all sorts of ways when I have someone else to worry about, when my actions directly impact someone else's life as well as my own.  Yes, there had been the PEP incident a while ago, but I thought I was clear on that.

So I was expecting a non reactive result.  The only other person I'd knowingly not used condoms with in those 6 months was definitely negative and known very well to me.  Because of the fact that I'm a sensible boy and go get tested for everything every 3 months, we can basically pin my infection down to sometime in the last 6 months.  I also see no point in denying that yes, I do have sex on drugs, and you probably all know by now I like my sex as rough as I can get.  So it either the guy that resulted on me being on PEP, though I was topping so that's damned unlucky, or it's not outside the realms of plausible possibilities that condoms got torn without noticing.  I'm usually pretty astute on these things - again, I might do silly things like have rough sex with strangers on drugs, but I have some sensibilities, and I do check that the guy has a condom on and replace them during long sessions etc, but I do have to be open to the idea that something might have slipped past my notice.  I may take risks in one way or another, but they are calculated, and however it's happened, I can definitely count myself as unlucky, and the fact to the best of my knowledge and ability I'd taken all sensible precautions to stop something like this from happening, made the blow all that harder when it came.

To those wondering, I don't know anything more yet besides having HIV.  They've taken a million and one vials of blood for all the various tests, I should have my CD4 count and viral load details next week.  So check back here then


Of course, anything like this brings with it its own good things and bad things all wrapped up within it.  I told all my closest friends about the reactive test.  More people will end up finding out now that I've had it confirmed, but your closest friends are there to be the ones that support you through even the possibilities of bad news.  My 2 best friends were with me the rest of halloween night, Thursday I met another friend and he took me for lunch for 3 hours.  Friday I met another friend and got hugs from him before heading home to spend 11 hours playing video games so I didn't have to think too much.  Saturday I saw an ex of mine who has been living with HIV for years, and he reminded me that he still gives some of the best hugs I've ever had, and promised me all his love and support, and the fact that I can talk to him as someone who will know EXACTLY what I am going through right now.

It had disappointments too.  One best friend seemed to be oblivious to the fact that I was starting to breakdown, despite me actively telling him.  Admittedly, I didn't respond to this in the best manner (my ability to emotionally articulate myself plummets quite spectacularly when in certain situations), and I have my own amends to make for that when the time comes, but plenty of people who knew me considerably less well could see something was up with me, and that my friend's actions were fairly poorly judged in the first place, so I know I'm not completely over reacting.  The other best friend promised to come hold my hand today.  The boy I really really want to hold me right now can't, so in his place I had the next best thing.  The last thing I said to my friend was "don't be late".  We arranged to meet half an hour early.  And he still missed  my appointment.  The worst part is I don't even see the point of bitching him out on that.  There is no amend to be made for that one.  There is no next time, or making it up, the moment has passed, and nothing can change that.  So no amount of wanting to punch him right now is going to change that either.  If someone else wants to punch him on my behalf right now I probably wouldn't stop you.  But he's a best friend, so knowing him, when he reads this, he'll punch himself for feeling so bad.

A few people took holiday days to support me today.  I'm not entirely sure why.  There's been no support for them to give.  I understand one person's reason for taking holiday today.  And I am really grateful that he did.  But quite a few of you seem to have wasted holiday or lost out on wages for no gain, for myself or you to be honest.

It's funny to see who comes out of the woodwork.  I haven't posted specifics on facebook or twitter per se. But I've posted tweets about the bad week I've been having, and some people have managed to put 2 + 2 together and come to the right conclusion.  Various people are sending me messages and dms and so on and so forth asking what's going on, or indicating they have an idea and offering their support.  I've commented on the following before, and I continue to find it funny/sad: that friends on a different continent, thousands of miles away, half a day behind, can keep up better with my life and offer more support and better words than people in my life who live 20 minutes away.

Honestly, I'm not ungrateful for your support, it is appreciated, and it will be needed, in all its various forms over the coming weeks and months.  But I also find it a little odd.  Those people who are like the opposite of fair-weather friends.  People who are rarely in your life on a regular basis, but are instantly by your side in times of crisis.  The comments of good luck from quite a few people.  Like this is something that be overcome.  Oh I can get used to it and deal with it and manage it.  But it's unnaturally something that is now going to impact my life, and the decisions i have to make in it forevermore.  I don't get that sentiment.  And frankly, I would trade all your hugs to be held by just one man right now.  In the morning I have to ring work, and book myself to some shifts, and start earning money again, and be a grown up.  When all I want to do is being that scared little kid cowering in the corner, hiding in the dark, pulling the covers over my head, with someone there to hold me until I've cried myself out so much I've fallen asleep from exhaustion, and tell me that somehow, they will magically make it all okay, in that way that you believe as a scared child.  But that whole being a grown up thing means you can't do this anyone  certainly you very rarely get the opportunity to when you want.  You have to earn money, you have to face other people, you have to be pleasant and polite, and not start to cry every single time you stop for longer than 10 seconds, and some things can't be fixed, and some things aren't quite okay in the same way ever again.

People tell me they're here for whatever I need.  I honestly couldn't tell you what I need right now, or what I want, and I don't think I could tell the difference between the two, or if there is one at this point in time.  I know one thing I want.  Desperately.  And it's something I can't have right now.  I have to wait for it.  I have to be a grown up and sort it out myself and wait until the right time.  And I hate that more than anything in the world right now.


But life goes on.  It has to.  Or you'll get washed away by the current as it goes past regardless if you don't at least attempt to *swim.  I'll survive, I'll get over it, and I'll deal with it.  There's just going to be some fallout for you all for a while before then.  I guess this means no more cuts and bruises and biting and crazy rough sex for the guy who's basically a walking lethal weapon now.

At least I get to abuse this line with impunity in casual conversation now:

"I'm not just positive, I'm HIV positive."

This is my perfect moment with you...

So I recently went out with a guy one evening.  And in normal circles, I guess you could argue that it was a date.  Whatever it was, it was kind of perfect.

I met him at the train station, and we wandered around town for a while.  We got ice cream and sat out in the sun whilst we ate it and people watched.  Then we went to one of his favourite parts of town, and had a nice dinner together.  We ordered different appetizers and swapped half of them so we could try each others.  Yeah, you wanna throw up don't you.  We got given free booze and got way drunker than we'd intended to.  After paying for nothing near the amount we had consumed we went for a warm night time stroll around the city.  He gave me a flower he picked in the park where his first boyfriend had asked him out.  And then he dragged me off to a secluded corner down a dark road and fucked the hell out of me.  Cause any kind of perfect night for me is obviously going to involve getting fucked in a public place :P  After that we went to a bar and drunk even more whilst we talked about each other and fantasized about why we'd be so perfect together, and then I walked him back to the train station and waited with him until he had to leave.  I got my goodbye kiss.  And it was, completely, and utterly, perfect.

Yeah you can hate me now.

A little TOO much fun...

Warning:  Post discusses sex, bowel movements, and other such overshares of information, so don't read this just before you eat.


So Tuesday night I went out in Manchester and got very very drunk.  As a result of this, at about 5am in the morning, I ended up fucking some random guy, without a condom.  It was hot, and the guy actually already had cum in his ass, which just ended up getting me off more.

That said, it was, a very stupid, drunken mistake.  I can be off my face in chariots on a saturday night on whatever substances and still maintain an awareness of risk, but apparently enough drink and I'll stop paying attention.  Now, of course, this isn't the first time I've fucked bareback.  When I'm in a relationship I almost always don't use condoms when I have sex with my partner.  I have, in moments of poor judgement, screwed around with people I know and ended up not using condoms.  And yes, even in a relationship both myself, and my partner have messed up and admitted to making foolish mistakes.  However in those cases, it was what could be argued as a calculated risk.  Mistakes to be sure, but the people I was fucking around with were people known to me, people I could be fairly confident of their sexual health, that I could be relatively certain got tested regularly, would inform me if I needed to be informed of anything, and were contactable if I needed to contact them for anything.  Tuesday night was a random guy, who I don't even know the name of, who was clearly not particularly selective in his choice of partner, and may have had anything, it wasn't really something my alcohol addled brain considered important to ask at the time.

So now I'm on PEP, which for the few readers of my blog who don't know, is basically anti-retroviral medication for HIV.  Not because I have HIV, but because PEP, if given within 72 hours of possible exposure to HIV and taken for a month may reduce the chance of contracting it, and frankly, in this instance, I'd rather be safe than sorry.  My relatively frequent visits to the US, and eventual schemes to move there, would become significantly harder, and in some instances impossible, were I to become positive.

Again, for those who don't know, I'm now basically on a month long course of some rather horrific and horrible medications, all of which come in big pills, and tend to cause nausea, vomiting, muscle ache, tiredness, diarrhoea, as standard acceptable and expected side effects, not to mention the severe ones.  It's 3 pills with a meal and 2 other pills 12 hours later.  On top of that I have extra pills to combat the diarrhoea and nausea that have to be taken on their own schedules.  To get all this took 4 hours in A&E wednesday, 3.5 hours at the STD clinic today, a fingerprick HIV test, 7 vials of blood taken, a full sexual health screen and I have to go back to the clinic next week for further tests and again at the end of the month long course to have all the tests done all over again.  USE CONDOMS KIDS!

So far I've been pretty lucky.  I've had a fair amount of nausea and of course cause my digestive system is special that leads to some pretty damn painful and intense muscle spasms as my intestines all cramp up.  No diarrhoea yet but my digestive system definitely doesn't like these drugs so I'm expecting some horrors there sooner or later.  I fell asleep for 3 hours earlier today I was so drained of energy and my muscles and joints are all achey all day.  But that's getting off pretty lightly compared to what some people get on PEP.  To top this all off the anti nausea pill I've been on numerous times before and it actually makes my body fairly ill, especially once I've been on it for a few days and the dosage in my system builds up.  So I can not take it and be ill from the HIV med induced nausea or take it and be ill from the supposed anti-nausea pill.  Fun huh?  That said, I've found eating helps to combat the nausea, so I'm basically gonna get fat right in time for the summer.  And right now, I don't have any nausea - on my last dose I took the 3 HIV meds and the anti-diarrhoea pill but not the anti-nausea one, so maybe I try that again tomorrow and that might lead to the least amount of side effects.  Maybe.  If I'm lucky.  Wishful thinking and all that...  Again, USE CONDOMS KIDS

It's actually kinda funny/interesting/potentially disturbing that a lot of people assume because of how I talk about sex, my approach to it, and the kind of sex life I have - things like going to bathhouses regularly etc, that I'm already positive and barebacking with anyone and everyone who asks.  I'm not, I have some sensibilities, I have some standards, as with my kink and life in general, I may engage in risky behaviours and activities from time to time, but they are all calculated risks.  I am negative, and I have no wish to become positive, stuck with yet another debilitating life long condition that is effectively terminal sooner or later, and requiring constant medications that come with endless amounts of side effects just to more or less stay alive. That's not me criticizing anyone who's positive, that's me saying its a horrible illness to have, and as I said, whilst the chance of me contracting HIV in this instance may be fairly minimal, I'd still rather be safe than sorry.

At any rate this may put my attendance to Full Fetish this weekend into question :(

My body's broken; Yours is bent

It is to my eternal frustration that my ex could never do anger sex.  In fairness, you couldn't really argue with his reasoning; when he was pissed off at me and upset he hated me just a little bit in those moments and as a result found me really unattractive right at that point, so the last thing he wanted to do with have sex with me.  A perfectly valid and fairly unfaultable perspective you gotta admit,

But god damn it anger sex is hot and solves issues.

Imagine it.  Your boyfriend, girlfriend, asexual limpet, whatever pisses you off somehow.  You're screaming and yelling at other.  You'd really really like to introduce their face to your clenched fist right now.  Or smash their head against something.  Nobody would notice a dead body under the floorboards right?  They make you so mad you wanna kill them, cut them up, and then jump on all the pieces until there is nothing left but pulp because sometimes they can be an inconsiderate jackass.  So you grab 'em, and you hurl 'em against the wall.  And they cry out in pain.  And you slap them across the face and drag them across the room with far more force than could ever be necessary and you really dig your nails in and bite down on their skin making sure to sink your teeth in....

And the next day, when your horrified co-workers ask how the hell you got all those bruises, you reply "Oh I had anger sex with my boyfriend."  And suddenly, it's TOTALLY FINE, and everyone understands.

Because anger sex allows you to beat the shit out of each other in a socially acceptable manner.  Of course I'm not condoning any kind of abusive relationship, physical or otherwise.  But sometimes, you really don't want to give a shit about their happiness, sometimes, you really want them to be in a bit of pain, and even more, you want to be the one causing it.  And when you both wake up with bruises on your hips and your ass from where you were slamming against each other so hard the bed probably broke, you'll both have a smirk on your face, because you did that, you caused them that pain and every time they wince slightly for the rest of the day it's gonna make you feel better about whatever the hell it was that you can't remember you were arguing about in the first place.  Plus you got to have some fucking fantastic mind-blowing sex in the process.

I totally understand why my ex wouldn't have anger sex with me, but man did that piss me off to the point where I just wanted to fuck him more :P

Crash Course

Here's a brief education on Terence (who's coming over in March), from the man himself....

http://itwasatuesdayblog.blogspot.com/2012/02/its-all-about-me.html


That should answer a lot of questions.

Bottoming 101: The Follow Up

EDIT:  This is a follow up to my original post Bottoming 101

A further follow up was posted many years later: Bottoming 201: The Douchening

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Okay here we go: Bottoming 101 - The Follow Up Post

Apologies this took so long to get out, about 2 days after I wrote my first post all kinds of hell broke loose not only in my own life, but in those of a lot of my friends, and so personal issues are soaking up a lot of my time.  Hopefully some of you return to the blog and see this post.


Thanks:
So erm, WOW, is kind of all I have to say. In a week my post got over THIRTY THOUSAND (it looks more impressive when you write big numbers out in words I feel) views. 15,000 of those were in the first 48 hours. My blog got reposted all over the internet, by friends, by randomers, by people working in the sex industry, by porn studios, by all sorts of random people who all saw it and came to my rambling insignificant blog for this one post. I never imagined anything like this would ever happen so THANK YOU, all of you.

Special thanks go to TwisTurtle on twitter for initially reposting on reddit (which is responsible for over 12,000 hits across various sources; giftedmaster, jbttm4u, Josh, and probably a few I've missed out for their corrections, edits, proof reading, and additional comments; and an exceptional thanks goes to Dewitt and the ManhuntDaily blog, who posted an entry devoted to my post. Getting something manhuntdaily worthy is pretty much a crowning achievement in my books as it's one of the best lgbt blogs around as far as I'm concerned, and went beyond my wildest dreams for the post, giving it over 5000 hits from MHD alone and greatly increasing the exposure of the post which then got reposted on a million other different sites.

Thank you to all of you who posted comments, good and bad, I never proclaimed this to be a perfect post, but I'm so immensely grateful that you not only took the time to read everything, but also respond to it. I have seen so many comments from different sites that have posted it, I have got messages and emails and all sorts of things from people and that's been amazing and kind of mind-blowing.


A Commentary on the Commentary:
And now.... whilst I probably should know better than to pay attention to things I read on the internet, here are some responses to the myriad things people have said to me about the post...

Name of the post:
There are many many things I could have called this post and someone would have probably taken exception to it regardless. I chose this title as it was nice and simple and relatively understandable.

Definition of a 'bottom':
Yes I had to assume some level of ground knowledge, i don't have time to define every single noun in my posts, I'm sorry. For this I meant 'receptive partner during anal sex'. Also, that makes no commentary on what postion you might be in, any form of subordination assumed by being the receptive partner, what your household annual income is or any other such nonsense. Those are separate things which I leave you to work out for yourself. Yes I chose to dicuss one particular definition of a word. That's how life works 99% of the time.

Length of post:
Yes, it's long. In fact I'm pretty sure I emphasize this quite clearly in the first 7 words of the post. If you can't be arsed to read long posts, that's your issue i don't need a message telling me it's too long. I wrote it in one go so I posted it in one go. If I split it into separate posts it'd still be just as long you know, be grateful I bothered to split it into separate headings you ungrateful swine! Tell you what, print out a copy, leave it by your bed, and read a single heading each night. There we go, all better now? To be honest, the amount of things I didn't cover I could write an entire hardback book on this subject, but I doubt those people are the kind who read books, so it'd be lost on you still.

Gay/Straight bias:
Yes it was predominately written for gay men. However, most of the post is applicable to anyone engaging in anal sex, regardless of of gender, gender identity, active/passive role, or sexuality. There might be a few changes in your particular circumstance, but the theory is largely the same.

Formatting:
No the screen width probably isn't formatted properly. Copy, Paste into a text viewer of your choice, Format to your liking. Quit whining like a little bitch before someone shuts you up by shoving a cock in your mouth.

Casual sex versus committed relationships:
Again, the theory applies here regardless really. I am a self confessed slutty bottom boy. I have a lot of sex. Not as much as I'd like, but still... That means I've done this enough to be able to write 7000 words on it. But the advice still applies to first timers or couples who have been together 20 years but have a few questions. Not all of it may be relevant, but some of it probably is.

Condoms:
I said I did not want to lecture on this, I told you to all go be responsible sensible adults and make your own choices, but apparently a large contingent of you feel the need to berate me for my largely scant mention of anything condom related. You know what? IT DOESN'T MATTER. The things I write about apply whether you use condoms or not, hence why I didn't mention them throughout. If you would like the lecture, here it is: Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant, and die.

Clinicality:
Some of you said I wasn't clinical enough - i tried to make this post understandable to a wide audience. Those who really want to know the exact names for muscles can refer to their doctor, wikipedia, or the nearest med student. If you want more information, it is out there if you bother to look for it. Some of you said I was too clinical - apologies, I tried to give some of the reasons behind why certain things happen, in an attempt to help people understand their bodies better, and how to get the desired reaction out of them. That does I'm afraid, necessitate some occasional writing about some relatively superficial medical knowledge. You could skip those bits, but then you probably wouldn't get as much out of this post.

Douching clarifications:
A large proportion of the comments were in relation to the douching sections. Apologies if I hadn't made these points clear in my initial post but... you may not need to douche, you may never have problems, you may not care about the odd bit of shit; some of us aren't so blessed. What you eat can indeed help; if you have a good healthy diet, the body does 99% of the work itself, but again, not all of us are so blessed. Yes, douching CAN take a long time, you'll find what works for you and that might only take 10 minutes, but it can take a lot longer depending on what you're doing, how deep you wanna clean out, and what's inside you. My timescales were there to give a rough guide, and so people know that deep cleaning is usually more than a 15 minutes before you go out the door jo. And finally, I in no way give the impression you should be deep cleaning 3 times a week. Not at all. I get questions from people asking how much they can douche before it's a problem however. If you're in Berlin during Folsom Europe, the 3 times a week guideline is probably useful, otherwise I'll assume you're probably not getting sex so often as to need that, or if you are, you probably knew most of the stuff in this guide anyway.

Pain:
Bottoming does not have to hurt I wrote, and as many of you have commented, it never should, and if it does you should stop. I also wrote words to that effect. As one wise soul did note however, we all make mistakes, at some point, during any kind of sex or just life in general, you have all hurt yourself through either trying and doing something wrong, making a stupid mistake when you know better, or just plain unfortuante circumstance. If you are new to bottoming, you probably will hurt yourself at some point, just like you did when you first tried to climb a tree. Some lucky buggers climb it first time and never fall or get so much as a scratch; they never have done and never will do. The rest of us are reassured by everyone else having done the same idiotic thing, put a plaster on it, and try again another time.

Relevance to you:
In case I didn't make it obvious enough, this is not the be all and end all post, it is not perfect, and it may not be useful for you in the slightest. You all need to go find what works for you, this is a good starting point, but just as with the rest of sex, what works for one person doesn't for another. If you don't like any of this, if you don't agree with it, DON'T DO IT. Move on with your life, and leave me in peace to get fucked.


Positives:
Time for happier things after that long tirade I feel.

Thank you to all those who have spoken to me about trying the advice in my post. I'm even happier for those who found it worked for them! Some of you are friends who have said to me in person, some of you are randomers I've never met who took the time to send me a message. I wanted to share something and improve people's lives, and I have done. So thank you for telling me that I did.

To all those who have posted further information, you are amazing and are saving me a lot of time and effort. Some of your input I've included in the post, some of it I've left in the comments. Either way thank you. N.B. I make no comment on the veracity of the imformation posted by others, please do your own research, I've already written a small thesis on the subject.

For a start on more information, please see my friend's post here

As I said before, everyone who sent me comments, messages, etc, good and bad, the fact you took time to respond is much appreciated and hopefully let me clarify a lot of things.

Finally to the trans person who commented. AMAZING. And so glad it helped!

Bottoming 101

EDIT 1:  I wrote a follow up post responding to some of the points people have raised and clarifying further points, it can be found here - Bottoming 101: The follow up

EDIT 2: It's been 7 years and over ONE MILLION of you have read my post and I'm honestly overwhelmed.  I still get asked questions about sex and am happy to answer any I can to the best of my ability on my twitter @im_so_childish.  I finally wrote a new post, Bottoming 201: The Douchening, which covers some regular questions I've had in those 7 years about overdouching, gut bacteria, diet, and "accidents" 

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This is gonna be a LOOOOONNNNNGG post because I have a lot to say on the subject.  Also I totally fucked up what passes for a normal sleeping pattern for me doing this so I hope you're all fucking grateful.  All puns intended.

I've been reading lots about what its like to be a bottom from all kinds of sources recently.  You know how some weeks certain things just keep cropping up in your life for no obvious reason?  And I take issue with a lot of what I've read.  I'm a bottom.  I'm a damn good bottom.  I can take it hard and rough and with little lube and I enjoy every damned second of it.  And I can power bottom with the best of them.  So I feel myself pretty qualified to write a nice long guide to how the fuck a lot of people should be bottoming, cause a lot of people seem to get it pretty damned wrong.  And some people just genuinely don't know and want to know more.  I get at least one set of DMs a week to my twitter account (@im_so_childish) asking me about bottoming stuff.  And I'm really happy to help those people and tell them what I know.  So now I'm going to write it all down, so in future I can just refer everyone to this, and hopefully some of you learn something and discover the joy of bottoming.


Some Basic Points:

• Bottoming does not *have* to hurt. - it probably will to start, but doesn't with experience
• Bottoming does not make you gay/less manly/a slut/desperate/whatever.  I can't believe I even need to write that but I know I do.
• The bottom is not an exit hole only
• The bottom does not *have* to be dirty, and by and large, usually isn't depending on what you're doing and how you've prepared - more about this later
• Yes you may be really tight.  Sphincters, i.e. your asshole, are made of muscle.  Admittedly they aren't quite like biceps, but just about any muscle in the body can be trained, and improved with patience, the right technique and regular practice.
• You do not *have* to bottom if you don't want to for whatever reason, ever in your entire life if you so choose.  But like all aspects of sex, if you're curious, it's worth seeing what happens and where it takes you.
• A good top will notice and appreciate a good bottom.  And the bottom will get repeat fucks.
• Just because you bottom doesn't mean you can't top.  My friends all regard me as one of the biggest power bottoms they know, but I can still nail a guy's ass if I the mood strikes me.
• The bottom is ALWAYS in control.  Doesn't matter what's the situation is, when they've got a problem, you've got a problem.  Respect your bottom, cause you're the one who wants to get inside them.

An Anatomy Lesson:

Right, now that that's out of the way, let's start with some basic anatomy shall we, as a friend just said, it's important to have a knowledge of this stuff and how to abuse it ;)

This shows more than I need but it's plenty useful.  Here is your anus boys and girls (and your penis for the boys only).  Around the point marked anus is your sphincter.  This is the bit that opens and closes according to what's going in or out at any one time.  Normally it stays shut.  The rectum is effectively the bit you fuck.  Mostly.  If you've got an exceptionally large cock you might get past this bit but we'll come to deep penetration later.  Much later.


Right lets go over all the important things about this entire area.  Your asshole is a ring of muscle called a sphincter.  Actually there's two of them but don't worry about that.  You should all have a basic knowledge of how this works from going to the toilet for the entirety of your life.  Finer control of your sphincter we'll come to later.
The rectum is the main area that concerns us.  This is the bit that fills with shit, and tells you to go to the toilet.  It doesn't stay full of shit all the time.  It temporarily holds it and gives you the urge to go to the toilet, just like you get an urge to go for a piss; it doesn't mean there is constantly urine in your cock that you only release every so often.  If you're lucky this stays clean when you're not about to go to the toilet.  Most people aren't lucky.  Or think they are but aren't 100% clean.  You can clean this area and its one of the major marks of being a good bottom in most people's opinions.  Again, more on this later.
The other major important landmark is the location of the prostate.  It's right next to the wall of your rectum.  When you get fucked, the other guy's cock rubs against the prostate.  This feels GOOD.  A really talented top can do it with his fingers, and really get you writhing in pleasure.  But this is a guide for bottoms, not tops.  Top boys you'll have to look elsewhere for that particular technique, sorry.
The final important point I want you to take away from this anatomy lesson is that the rectum is full of nerves.  This is how it gives you the sensation that you need to empty it.  And the sphincter is surrounded by nerves.  This is what can feel good or bad about getting fucked depending on if you do it right.  And even more interestingly, the body is conditioned to give you pleasureable feelings as things pass through the nerve endings of the sphincter.  This is the sensation you get after having a really big shit; it's a biological incentive to do so.  The happy endorphiny high.  Well that's basically what you create when getting fucked.  Over and over and over again as that cock pounds your hole.  Starting to see the joy in bottoming?


The Golden Rules of Bottoming:

Okay so lets start with the sensible place to start.  Getting something into your ass.  Because if you can't even get a pinky in there the rest of this post is pretty much just useless theory anyway.  The three golden rules of getting anything into your ass are:

1. Lube
2. Patience
3. Relax FFS!

If you're having problems you haven't done one of these properly.  TRUST ME.  Yes you might be tight, and yes you might be struggling to get a pencil up there, but with all 3 of the above you will eventually get there. In order then.... 

Lube.  

Me?  I can take things with just a spit and go, but that's me, and that's cause I'm used to it, and because I don't mind a bit of pain because I'm a masochist.  I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume the rest of you don't like pain and need more lube than just some spit, that's not a bad thing.  The rectum is a fragile area.  And tearing either the rectal wall, or stretching the sphincter too far, too fast, on entry is not only potentially dangerous, it REALLY fucking hurts the next day.  Even I've taken too much too quickly with not enough lube and regretted it.  It heals, just like any other part of the body, but it still fucking hurts.
There are a million and one different types of lubes out there, but lets start with basics.  Most lubes are made of one of 3 different bases, water, oil, or silicone.  They all have advantages and disadvantages.  They all feel different.  And each base comes in a variety of different brands and slightly different types that also feel slightly different. The trick with lube is to experiment.  Find one that works for you.  You can get lube trial packs with all sorts of different varieties in or you can go to a sex shop armed with about £20 and buy the little travel/cruising size packets in every kind imaginable.  

Water based are slick, and the most common variety that most people prefer and use.  The free lubes the doctors give out are almost always water based.  They're simple, easy, last a decent amount of time, wash out of anything you get them on, and totally compatible with condoms.  Downside is they can get sticky, especially on your hands from where you applied it, and can need reapplying throughout fucking as they dry out through friction.

Oil based lubes last a long time, they sit on the top of the skin which doesn't really absorb them so they don't tend to need reapplying.  Most fisting lubes are oil based.  Downside is they are not condom friendly at all.  They degrade latex, and the last thing you want is a falling apart condom inside your ass.  Also oil often stains a lot of things.  A good wash can get it out of sheets, but perhaps not out of the wood finish desk you fucked on top of.

Silicone lubes are basically an attempt to combine the best bits of both oil and water based lubes.  Silicone lubes tend to last a long time and a little bit can go a long way.  They are condom friendly.  They stain a lot of things.   Silicone lube bottles tend to leak slightly - the lube can get around the lids so in a bedroom where they stay upright you're fine, travelling with them or in your pocket is less good.  Silicone lubes need soap to wash them off so it takes longer to clean up and a big stain might not wash out at all.  Oil or water based tend to be better for fisting/stretching/depth play. They're also considerably more expensive than water based lubes.  But personally I find that they're a bit like the fairy liquid of lubes - they last a lot longer and you need a lot less than the cheap shit.  So it all works out the same in the end.  Personally I prefer silicone based lubes.  My ex preferred water based so whenever I fucked him we switched lubes.  Find out what works for you.  And don't assume it works for everyone.  I have both water based and silicone lubes by my bed.

N.B. There are also hybrid silicone/water based lubes.  I've never found them to be any good to be honest, but again, try them, and if they work for you, go buy a big bottle and to go town on your ass.

Patience.  

Now quite frankly, this is all down to you.  You know yourself best.  You're the only one who can feel what you're feeling and know what feels good, what feels bad, how much you think you can take and how far you can go etc.  That said, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SLOW DOWN.  A lot are really eager to get your fingers/dildo/his cock/the wine bottle or whatever it is in your ass, probably because it's feeling good.  And that's admirable and kinda hot, but seriously, take your time.  I'm assuming you're reading this because you're not confident in your bottoming abilities, and want to improve.  So take it from someone who is confident about them.  Slow down, take it easy, apply more lube.  Spend an entire evening stopping and starting, or very slowly stretching further.  You don't have to get it in in 5 minutes, and you're not gonna train your ass to power bottom status in 30 minutes.  Take all the fucking time in the world, and dont let anything dry out.  When you're getting double fucked by two 10" cocks, then you can start worrying about trying to do it faster and without using a gallon of lube to do so.

Relax.  

Again this is really all down to you and how you're feeling, but again, most people go about this wrong.  Breathe.  Calm down.  Taking your time will help with this.  Don't try to push yourself too far.  And stop worrying so much.  I know you're eager, I know you really really wanna be able to get fucked, but you're gonna make yourself worse by trying so damned hard.  A lot of it's in your head to be honest.  You're so convinced, on a subconscious level, that it's hard for you to bottom, that you can't take whatever it is, that it'll hurt, that your body instinctively prevents you from doing so.  Remember how I told you there are technically two sphincters at your asshole?  Well one of them is involuntarily, so until your subconscious is happy, you ain't getting anywhere.  It took me 3 years of trying to take a fist to finally get there- I only managed it for the first time about 4 months ago.  And now I can take a fist relatively comfortably.  Because my mind has finally learnt that I CAN do it, that I just need to breathe, and not panic, or worry, or try so damn hard, and it'll happen, suddenly everything opens up and they're inside.  And it's EXACTLY the same with cock.  Relax, take long deep breaths, clear your mind, and just accept if it happens AMAZING, but if it doesn't you can just try again in the future.  There are a few muscle and breathing techniques I can teach you however, so onto the next section of this ridiculously long blog post...

Breathing:

Can you guys believe we haven't even got past the sphincter and getting whatever it is inside you yet?  But seriously your hole is where so many of the issues are concerned.  Once we're past all of that, it's pretty much the home straight and just a few bits of housekeeping before you'll be bottoming with the best of us.  Let's start with breathing.  The breathing techniques are designed to help you relax.  And as you relax, so does your sphincter.  There are a million and one different techniques here, and the same goes for the muscle control exercises which will follow.  Like the lubes, you need to try them all and see what works best for you, because what works for you may not work for someone else, and everyone will inevitably recommend something different.

When you're trying to get something in your ass, and especially if you're struggling for whatever reason, you tend to forget to breathe as you're busy concentrating your focus on achieving your goal.  This is perfectly natural, we do this all the time; its one less thing for the brain to focus on and worry about whilst you quickly complete whatever it is your trying to do and then your body can get back to the job of maintaining itself.  Great, but this results in everything tensing up, you feeling hotter, and everything gets that much harder, basically the complete opposite of what you need to be doing at that point in time.  So make your breathing conscious.  Focus on that instead.  Focussing on your breathing and making that the subject of your awareness and concentration will also help to clear your head and stop you worrying about what's happening to your ass, furthering the amount your body, especially that part, relaxes.  Handy huh?
So how should you breathe?  Well as I said it's down to you but there are two basic options that seem to work for most people - one is just the long deep controlled breaths in and out, the other is lamaze breathing.  Lamaze breathing is that strange labour breathing where you exhale short-short-long. try counting out one-two-threeeeeeeeeee.  with a short breath in just before one and two and a slightly longer one just before the threeeeeeee.
However you breathe, you want to exhale as things are going into you.  This is the same as breathing during any form of exercise, you exhale on the exertion.  So as something is going inside of you and your body starts to struggle, make sure you're on your long exhale.  Again, you do the same when you have a big shit.  As you push out, you exhale really deeply.  It helps the body, and especially your sphincter when under pressure, relax.  Plus the concentration of making your breathing your brain's focus helps to distract it from the unfamiliar, and potentially slightly painful feeling of penetration.  Your body, as intelligent as it is, only has so much focus, and you can actually partially distract it from a lot of sensations pretty damn easily if you know how.


Muscle Control:

Yes your sphincter is a muscle.  Once again lets admit there are actually two of them side by side.  One of them is involuntary.  You don't really need to worry about this one aside from the fact if you're stressed and worried it's unlikely to be cooperative, so this is why it's important to be relaxed.  The other one is voluntary.  This is the one you use to shit with.  Or rather, the one you use to stop yourself from shitting your pants with. You should all know how this works in terms of a basic opening/closing kind of deal unless you've had a colostomy, but then you've had part of your colon removed and you have bigger issues.
Like breathing, the first thing to do is make yourself aware of this muscle.  Don't just try and open up your ass.  Actually think about what muscle you're using, and don't focus on getting anything in you, focus more on slowly, steadily, and comfortably, relaxing that muscle.  Yes it's all a bit hippie-ish with visualizing and "don't just feel the muscle, see the muscle", but I'm actually kinda serious.  This shit works, because once again it gives you something to focus on that isn't trying to get whatever it is in your ass.  Focus on the muscle and what it's doing, and WHY is it clamping shut, and which bit of it feels tensest, and concentrating on slowly relaxing that, and eventually whatever you've got probing your hole will naturally follow.
Now of course you just have to combine this with the breathing, focussing on achieving both of them together rather than what's going into you and WHY you're doing this (which will only set your brain off worrying about whether you can do it again), and you're practically done.

And now, for some advanced teaching!  (oooooh, aaaaaaah...)  Okay hands up who in the blog has heard of Kegel muscles, or Kegel exercises?  This is pretty much what I've been writing about above anyway.  Though if you identify the right sets of muscles you'll find they're slightly different by funnily enough the distance between your asshole and your cock, that's when you know you've got the right respective set.  So Kegel exercises work on your pelvic floor muscles.  They're REALLY simple.
To identify your pelvic floor muscles, stop pissing half way through.  Notice which muscles you're tensing.  Also notice your hole has tensed up and tightened.  And now start pissing again.  And notice how everything relaxes.  Including your ass.  Okay now stop start stop start stop start until such time as you've finished pissing or got bored.  It's pretty much that simple.  Oh sure you can get it more complex, it's a set of muscles, like other muscle training exercises you can tense and hold, do quick reps, long reps etc etc.  But the whole start stop pissing thing is simple, obvious, and easy.  But you don't have to do it whilst on the loo, you can do it sitting at the pc, on the tube, wherever (I'm totally doing them right now :P).
Why?  Because it'll give you REALLY good control over your hole.  You know the bottoms that can basically suck in a guy's cock with their ass?  This is what they're doing.  They relax all the right muscles and bingo.  The bottoms that can practically milk a guy's cock just with their ass?  Again, this is it, tense, relax, tense, relax, etc whilst he's inside you, and bingo your top is going crazy for your ass and will be begging to fuck you again.  And as an added bonus, studies show it prevents and/or solves erectile dysfunction, strengthens orgasms, and increases sexual pleasure.  GET CLENCHING PEOPLE


Penetration:

OH MY GOD PEOPLE WE'RE HERE.  PENETRATION!  ACTUAL ENTRY!  It's taken me more than 3,200 words to get to this point but finally we're here, together.  Savour this moment.  It's beautiful.

So hopefully you all paid attention to my earlier section on lube, patience, and relaxing, and together with the breathing and muscle focus you've managed to get something just about to open you up and into your ass.  This is the all important "push out like you're taking a shit" moment, except it'll feel nothing like taking a shit because things are going in rather than out.  The principle still stays the same.  Push out with those pelvic floor and sphincter muscles you've been learning about.  And remember to exhale as whatever it is enters you.  If you're lucky, and you've taken your time, and got your body comfortable the idea, whatever it is will slide all the way into you in one go.  It might feel like you're actually going to shit but you're not.  The body has some sense, it's just the same biology and anatomy in use, so it can get confusing.  Once in leave it there, focus on your breathing, and let your body start to adjust.  That might take anywhere from 30 seconds to 15 minutes, and that's starting to adjust, not completely adjusted.  If you're not used to this it's gonna take time.  Like I said people, patience.  Focus on breathing, focus on relaxing your mind and your entire body at this point.  Don't focus just on the anal muscles anymore, relax your whole body and let it calm down from the intrusion.

If you feel pain at any point in the insertion.  Stop right where you are.  Don't go back to square one.  That's the mistake.  Stop pushing out, but resist the body's urge to totally close up.  Hold your sphincter muscles open at the point that they are but no further, and obviously, stop pushing whatever it is in.  Stop with it half way into you or wherever it is. Take a deep breath to help with relaxation and pain endurance and SLOWLY pull it out until it's bearable again.  This should hopefully not be all the way out.  Breathe in, focus on relaxing muscles again, and wait.  Wait 5, 10 minutes however long you need to, and then try insertion again.  And hopefully you get a bit further.  Or maybe that's as far as you get that night.  But try the next night, and you'll probably find you do get that little bit further then, and after 2 weeks or so, you'll hopefully be inside.

Once you're in and relatively comfortable and your hole has started to relax of its own accord and accept there's something holding it slightly open, slowly pull out.  It shouldn't feel rough or stuck in any way, if it does, you didn't use enough lube when you went in.  Don't pull out, don't pull past the sphincter, once you've travelled an inch or so, push back in slowly.  Get your hole used to the sensation of being open and something going in and out of it and over time you can increase the length of the stroke.  Get your hole comfortable with the idea.  Once it learns to do this without any pain or huge struggles on your part you're pretty much done.  At that point you can pull all the way out, and try reinsertion. And you'll probably find it a lot easier than the first time.  Another trick is to rotate whatever it is - dildo, finger, obviously a cock doesn't really operate like that, whilst keeping it at the same depth.  This will stimulate the sphincter without actually changing how open it is, or how deep you are etc.

Enjoy the sensation.  If something feels a little painful, try and focus on what feels good.  The sphincter nerves as discussed earlier are designed to give the brain pleasure when stimulated, so the strokes or rotations should hopefully give you *some* pleasure.  Focus on that and how good it feels.  Over time that sensation will improve, and the pain sensation will lessen.  Congratulations, you have been penetrated.  With time, practice, and bigger things being put into you, you'll be taking cocks no problem.  When finished up breath a nice big sigh of relief and put a big smug grin on your face that you achieved it.


Cleaning Out:

And now you have something inside your ass.  This means we should cover the all important area of cleaning and douching your ass.  This is the area I get messaged with questions about more than any other.  And it's really important.  It's definitely a mark of a good bottom to be clean inside every time they get fucked; only a small subset of people enjoy shit as part of their sexual activities, but the majority of us don't.  The deeper you  get penetrated the higher the chance of the guy coming out with shit on his cock, or whatever it is.  But yes, you can clean the inside of your ass!  (Just don't use soap, really really don't, it'll cause problems, plain water does the job fine)  It's called douching and its something a LOT more guys should be doing.  Read and learn...

Douching (Bulb Douches)
If you don't know what a douche is, go look one up.  It's basically a giant pipette with a spray nozzle on the end rather than a dropper.  You can get them for about £10 in any sex shop or online.  Now follow this guide:

1. Fill sink with lukewarm water.  Not hot.  Not cold.  A nice 37 degrees centigrade would be about ideal considering it's going to go in your body.
2. Fill douche with said water
3. Lube up douche and your hole and insert douche (i.e. you need to be used to having things in your ass a little by this point)
4. Depress bulb SLOWLY and your ass will fill with water - you'll very quickly notice if the water is too hot or cold at this point and if it is, stop and restart the whole procedure.
5. DO NOT let go of the bulb once its fully depressed. (last thing you want to feel is suction inside your ass trust me)
6. Carefully pull the douche out of your ass, trying to keep your hole as tight as possible to stop water escaping.
7. Wait.  It'll be mildly uncomfortable and your intestines will probably make a fair bit of noise.  Try and hold it for 5 minutes if you can but if it gets really uncomfortable or painful don't worry about it and skip to step 8.
8. Expel into toilet.  You probably want to flush at this point.
9. Repeat procedure until the water comes out near enough the same colour as it went in.

Done, simple. Clean the douche, flush it through with clean water several times.  You should probably jump in the shower at this point and clean the lube and douche water off your ass too.  Bulb douches are cheap, simple, easy, and great if you have a grindr fuck due in 20 minutes.  They keep you clean for about an hour or so.  They are not good for long sessions, cleaning before going out at 8pm on the pull with a view to dragging a guy into your bed at 2am at the end of the night, or for deep penetration by big toys, fists, or large cocked men. And so we come to...

Deep Cleaning

Bulb douches clean out the lower portion of your ass only, if you're gonna need the stuff further up cleaned up, you need a deeper cleaning douche.  Check out the shower shot.  There's a million and one similar cheaper versions on sale in your local sex shop or online.  It's basically a dildo attachment to a shower hose that can have water coming out the end of it.  For this you're gonna need a shower with adjustable pressure.  If your shower only has a fixed pressure, or the lowest pressure is still pretty decent, you'll do damage to your ass if you use water that basically jet blasts your insides.  That's not the aim here.  If your shower isn't suitable you can find mixer tap shower hose types that have the same attachment at the end. And here we go...

N.B. You may want to have cleaned out once or twice with a bulb douche first before doing this.

1. Connect the attachment to the end of your shower hose (this may involve taking off your shower head :P)
2. Adjust your shower to output lukewarm water and a fairly light pressure.
3. Your attachment may have an on/off valve for the water to make insertion easier, if so turn it off at this point.
4. Lie down in your bath (so the first step should really be making sure your shower hose is long enough, if not buy a longer one and swap!) You shouldn't do this standing up or squatting.  When you lie down your entire intestinal region relaxes a lot of muscles and you're gonna want that here.  If you're sqautting you it'll still work, but the effect wont be as great or long lasting.
5. Insert attachment as deep as you can.
6. Turn valve if present to on.  You should feel a steady trickle of water into your ass.  Again pull out and adjust temperature if necessary.  And make sure pressure is light.  You are slowly filling your intestines with water, not jet washing them.
7. Once full (this may take a minute or two) pull attachment out, keeping hole tight as possible again.
8. Again keep held in for 5 minutes or as long as is comfortable.
9. Expel.
10. Witness the difference between deep cleaning and bulb douching and realise just how much bulb douching doesn't get to.
11. Repeat procedure until water runs pretty much clear again.
12. Wait 20 minutes.
13. Go to toilet again, sometimes it takes that 20 minutes or so for some of the really deep water to work itself out of you.  If it's dirty you may want to repeat everything all over again.

Depending on your body and what you've eaten etc, this usually lasts between 4 - 8 hours before you're at risk of anything getting dirty again.  You can go out, find a boy, bring him home, and get fucked by him in the safe knowledge you'll be clean and sparkly.  Or you can start taking fists to the elbows, or get fucked non stop all night.  Regardless, you'll be clean.  Whatever you do, remember to put your normal shower head back on, especially if you have flatmates.  I'm not being held responsible for that conversation.

Over-douching

Douching is amazingly handy.  Deep cleaning is awesome.  But a word of caution.  The intestines contain lots of helpful things in them designed to help digestion, stop us getting ill, all sorts of stuff really.  Yakult and Activia ads can tell you all about it I'm sure.  Douching, and especially deep cleaning, can wash these out, making our bodies less effective.  As a result, try not to over douche.  I'm not sure on exact specifics, but I probably don't recommend deep cleaning more than 2 or 3 times a week, and if you're getting fucked all night long more often than that, you don't deserve sympathy from the rest of us when your body doesn't work right you lucky bastard :P  Be sensible kids.  

Bath cleaning

This isn't really douching, but it is a way of making life a little easier if you are super tight, have IBS or something that makes it hard to douche etc.  Get in a deep bath with no soap products in it.  Get some silicone lube (which doesn't wash out in water alone so will work underwater), and start playing with your hole.  Work yourself open.  You'll get a bit of water in your hole and it'll clean maybe the first inch or so of your sphincter.  It's not much, but it'll make playing with yourself a little easier and nicer.

Forward Planning
So if you've been paying attention you've probably noticed that cleaning out can take a fair amount of your time.  Tops really do have it easy, they just turn up and fuck.  A good bottom has to plan ahead.  Bulb douching tends to take around half an hour.  Deep cleaning can take up to an hour and a half.  As you learn how your body responds to things and how to judge it etc you'll get quicker and maybe shave off a bit of time, but yeah, cleaning out, it takes time.  A good bottom actually can't just come straight over in 5 minutes with no warning whatsoever unless he by chances has already prepared.  (Though equally, a good bottom will prepare before he starts cruising).  You should also think about what you eat.  Whatever you put in your mouth is gonna end up somewhere near your ass several hours later even when deep cleaning.  How long it takes to be a problem depends on how well you cleaned out and what you're doing, but it's just something to be aware of.  Some greedy bottom boys don't eat at all if they're going to a sex club that day, or some go on liquid only diets for the day.  Again it all comes down to being aware of your body and how it works and thinking about what you're doing with it.


Fin:

That's pretty much your basic guide to bottoming people.  I've covered all the important details, but that in no way means I'm done.  I've come this far, I might as well go all the way and talk to you about all sorts of other things relevant to bottoming, starting with three housekeeping issues:

Grooming:
Now this is all down to personal preference, both of you, and the guy fucking you.  Some guys like completely smooth, some guys like trimmed, some guys like hairy, some guys like full on gorilla, whatever works for you.
If you do wanna remove hair there are many ways - trimming is good for getting rid of long  hair or keeping it tidy.  You can buy body trimmers from just about anywhere these days for £25 or so.  Shaving is the most obvious method of full hair removal.  Yes it is possible to shave your own ass, yes it takes practice.  LOTS of practice.  And yes you will end up with shaving bumps and the occasional cut.   Just like shaving your face.  It grows back thicker stubble and requires very regular upkeep to stop from getting itchy and uncomfortable whether on your ass or crotch.  GO SLOWLY, the skin in your entire pelvic area is rather sensitive and rather fragile (though I probably don't need to tell that to any guy sticking a blade in the viciinty of his cock).  Creams are a good way of getting rid of hair and require less regular maintenance than shaving.  Always buy the sensitive skin version.  And don't leave on too long.  Either way you may still find they burn, if so stop using them.  Creams burn me so I shave.  It's a hassle, but better than chemical burns on my balls thanks.  Waxing is as effective as cream and also long lasting, but usually requires someone else to do it for you.  You can even get laser hair removal in such areas.  The people I know who've had it done swear by it.  Though it does involve putting your ass and cock in the path of a laser....

Condoms:
I've made very little mention in this post of whether condoms are involved or not.  I leave you to make your own decisions.  You're all adults.  You should all know the risks.  I don't want to lecture you and I don't want lectures from for you.    The principle of how to get fucked is exactly the same whether you use them or not.  You tend to need more lube with condoms and they do increase discomfort to varying degrees for the bottom, but they stop the spread of STIs and are good practice, especially if you're picking up random shags.  Like lubes, you can get trial packs with all sorts of different kinds of condoms in, find what works for you, both as a bottom and as a top, and stock up on them.  Whatever you do be sensible about it, and respectful of others.

Time Frames::
A lot of people when I started talking about writing this sent me messages saying they were interested because they'd like to bottom but always had problems.  I firmly believe anyone can bottom with enough determination and patience.  But how long it might take you varies from person to person.  I've always been good at taking cock.  But I know not everyone is.  Some people have to work really fucking hard at it.  No pun intended.  You're almost definitely gonna need to take time playing with yourself before you move onto toys, or playing with others.  If necessary just tease your hole with some lubed up fingers, not going in at all, just getting your hole comfortable with the sensation of something on it, over the course of an entire evening go from hardly touching to the amount of pressure you use to to push a tablet out of a blister pack.  And I mean take the entire fucking evening to build up to that if you need to.  Your body gets used to sensations, but different people get used to them at different rates.  If you really struggle to take anything, it's gonna take you a while to get anything inside you, but if you keep trying, and keep practising, and easing your body into the sensations associated with it, you'll get there eventually.

Bottoming is a skill like any other in the world, if you want to get really good at it you have to practice.  Regularly.  As in 3 or more times a week.  And if you are charcoal into diamond style tight that might even involve gritting through a bit of pain here and there.  Not too much, please don't damage yourselves.  But sometimes you have to push yourself through things in life if you really wanna try it and do it.  If you're lucky you're born into the world as a natural bottom, just like some are born as natural tops, natural athletes, natural scholars, whatever it may be.  Everyone else has to work at it, just like they have to work at most things in the world.  Don't expect sex to be any different.


Advanced Bottoming:


There are so many places to go once you've learnt how to bottom well.  That doesn't have to mean you bottom all the time, or even regularly, but knowing how to bottom and being capable of doing so when you want to is a trait practically every guy's gonna appreciate about you.  I'm not gonna do how to guides here, just some comments on various areas.

Stretching
The anus is surprisingly elastic.  If treated well, again by relaxing properly and with patience, you won't do it any damage, and given time to recover it will return to whatever sort of states your body considers normal.  Getting fisted doesn't make you incontinent.  Getting fisted to the elbow every night might very well do, but the occasional heavy play session isn't gonna do you any damage if done right.  You may find after heavy sessions doing whatever you need to give your ass a day or two off following.  Treat your ass well and it'll let you do practically anything to it.

Poppers
Some people called poppers, also called room odorizers, video head cleaner, all sorts of things.  You inhale them people.  They provide a slight high during inhalation and for a brief period after and they act as a muscle relaxant.  They can help you to take a little bit more or supress the initial pain of penetration and they can be fun in their own right during sex.  If you're not a confident bottom, I recommend trying the stuff in my post WITHOUT them first, once you're properly aware of what you're trying to do and how to go about it, then throw poppers into the mix if you want 'em

Analgesic Sprays
These are the lubes and sprays that slightly numb the skin around the ass.  Like poppers they're designed to aid penetration for people who find it difficult.  Frankly, I don't recommend them.  Pain is your body telling you something's wrong, it's telling you you're doing damage, you're going too fast, stretching too much, and need to stop or slow down.  Yes it's frustrating and it takes longer to work through the pain naturally, but personally I don't think you should be suppressing the body's natural reactions - they're there for a reason people

Size Issues and Training
I've written all this assuming you're using something vaguely appropriate to your ability to bottom in terms of size.  Don't try and take too much, you can work up to it later.  You can get dildos smaller than a little finger, and buttplugs that are only an inch in girth so even if you're really tight, don't lose hope.  There is a toy for you.  And they increase in size all the way up to full traffic cone sized door stops.  The trick to taking more is again, more patience, more lube, start small, with what you can do, and over a long period of time, work onto slowly bigger things.  As I said above, the anus is fairly elastic and can adjust itself pretty impressively, but it needs the chance to do so.

Positions
Like with the condoms and lube, try every position imaginable, try being on top, underneath, on your side, find a gay kama sutra online and try everything you can do in it.  Different positions work differently for each person.  You might find being on your back with your legs in the air incredibly painful, but taking it doggy style might have you moaning so loud the neighbours complain.  I can't cum when I have a guy riding me (that's not to say I don't enjoy it).  You get different sensations from all these different positions because they put pressure on each of your bodies in slightly different ways and tense different sets of muscles and mean whatever's going into you at slight different angles.  Find the one that works for you.

Curved Cocks
On the subject of angles, some guys have really curved cocks, this can present a problem when being penetrated because it may mean your rectum is being pushed into your bladder, abdominal cavity, wherever as the guy thrusts into you and this can make it painful or simply uncomfortable.  This is where different positions can really help.  What way does the guy's cock curve?  Think about what that's gonna be like when it's inside you, and adjust for the straightest and most comfortable fuck.  That said, sometimes a guy with a really curved cock can hit the right spot in a way a guy with a straight cock can't hope to.  A curved cock isn't a bad thing...

Depth Play
Deep Cleaning is really the trick here, but neither you nor the top should be too surprised if the end of whatever it is inside you does get covered in something.  It's unfortunate and embarrassing, but it's an occupational hazard, even just from normal fucking with the best preparation.  Sometimes it happens.  Deal with it, move on.  Be a fucking grown up.

Fisting
Cut your nails when fisting a guy, you don't wanna cause any bleeding by scratching something, however minor.  It's incredibly uncomfortable for the bottom.  If using gloves make sure your lube is compatible with them.  Oil degrades latex.  Most fisting lubes are oil based.   Most gloves are latex based.  Do the math.  You can get water based fisting lubes, they're just not as common.  Let the bottom control the pace, depth, etc.  He's trusting you a hell of a lot when your fist is buried in his ass even if he only met you 10 minutes ago.

Double Penetration
Very possible, very fun.  Same principles apply just twice over.  Lots more lube.  Lots more patience and trying.  You might have to adjust to get the angles right.  Easiest one is bottom riding one guy, other one comes up behind him.

Less Lube
Over time if you bottom regularly you'll probably find you need less lube as your body gets used to things.  There's not really any huge advantage to using less lube, aside from maybe some cost savings and a little less mess to clear up.  If in doubt, add extra lube.  It's fun to just spit and shove, but most guys can't take that.

Body Awareness
Practically everything I've written in the more than 7000 words above should have given you the impression that basically it all comes down to being aware about your body.  What it's doing, how it works, why it responds to certain things in certain ways, how to get desired responses out of it, how to train it into particular things and what you can expect from it.  I have learnt over the years most people do not know their own bodies very well, especially when it comes to sex.  And extra especially when it comes to anal sex.  If you take the time to learn these things, everything becomes SO much easier.

Caveat
You don't have to do everything on this list.  You may just wanna get fucked by your boyfriend occasionally rather than become some pnp fisting power bottom.  I get a lot of questions from a lot of different people, so I've tried to cover all bases on some levels.  The basic cleaning and penetration techniques are good knowledge for everyone, but as I've repeatedly stated throughout this post.  Find what works for you, what you're comfortable with, and go with that.  Not whatever other people, or me, or the internet, or whoever says.  Go with what you like and you're interested in.


A Word for Bottoms:


It's fun, it's amazing, it's awesome, we love it.  Don't wreck yourselves, don't hurt yourselves, and never ever forget you are in charge.  No matter what.  It becomes rape the second you withdraw consent, no matter how much "you were clearly gagging for it".  If it hurts, if its not working for you, if something's wrong.  Change it.  Some of you like it to hurt a bit, some of you like to be used and not get that much pleasure out of it.  That's fine, because in doing that it IS working for you.  But whatever you do, make sure it's something you're happy and comfortable with.  Your ass will thank you in the long run.


A Word for All of You:

Repost, retweet, reblog, share, educate.  Let me know if you have any thoughts or comments on it.  Let me know if you think I should talk about something I haven't.  Let me know if you have something you think I could include.  Credit me please.  I spent my time and energy writing all this up, and I'm happy to share it, but at least credit where you actually got it from.  Also feel free to read the rest of my blog, it's very self involved and totally crazy and not actually to do with sex at all, mostly.  But people seem to enjoy it.

Have you ever seen blood in the moonlight?

N.B. This is NOT a be all and end all guide, or even necessary the best way to do it.  This is what I have found based on my experiences.  This does not mean you should follow it, that it's for everyone, or that other people doing this will even agree with me.  This is my blog, with my thoughts on the subject, from what I've learnt.


So I was thinking of doing some sex related blog posts.  Which will probably come later.  Though in fairness this one is very much related..

A friend said I should talk about needle & bloodplay, and how to do it safely, as I'm one of the few people into it, and someone who actually understands the risks and such and knows how to avoid them etc.  Most of my friends know im into blood and needles.  And whilst none of them are, lots have a sort of morbid curiosity and are intrigued as to how it works, what level I'll do it to, what happens if things go wrong etc.

I'm not going to post how to do needle or bloodplay.  They are very very dangerous things that you should only ever do with someone experienced in it themselves, and learn from them.  No matter how many disclaimers I give here, I'm not going to post something that might lead to someone following it and getting it all wrong and hurting themselves or someone else, potentially fatally.  If you want to learn, you need to learn these things from someone who already knows it.  I will however, post about some of the issues and concerns to do with it.


First of all, lets deal with this basic concept of OMGTHISISFUCKINGDANGEROUS.  Seriously people, I'm into this shit and it's dangerous as hell.  There is a concept called Safe Sane Consensual Kink; SSCK.  There is a further concept called Risk Aware Consensual Kink; RACK.  This latter concept applies to any kink,in general in my opinion, but especially to the ones that are obviously a lot riskier - suspension, breathplay, chemsex, any form of edge play etc.  Yes yes we all hate health and safety.  But with all things, and especially blood/needleplay you should be very aware of what the dangers are, how to mitigate them, any individual issues that may present further risks that may not otherwise be obvious and KNOW YOUR LIMITS.  What are you capable of and how far can you be pushed?  I love being bitten and I can take biting on my shoulder blades or the back of my neck intensely hard, but everywhere else on my body I tend to be very sensitive.  I know this, and I adapt my kink accordingly.  So should you.  This is one of the many many reasons its important to learn this kind of kink play from someone who already knows it, you're dealing with an area where going past your limits doesn't just mean an unpleasant experience and perhaps some physical discomfort for a day or two, pushing yourself too far or too fast and ignoring the risks in this area can kill, paralyze, or at best give you a horrible infection.

Infections:
These are the major serious concern with blood/needleplay.  (For the record, I appreciate they are entirely different, if often concurrent, kinks, but I'm lumping them together here as the issues are pretty identical).  Safe sex, this is not.  Whether doing (relatively) light needleplay or full on cutting or even drinking of blood, at least one of you is exposing an open wound and fresh blood to the world and the other person(s).  Any blood borne illnesses, including of course HIV, are thus WAY out in the open.  A simple splatter can send whatever that person has flying into your mouth, eyes, nasal cavaties, urethra, vagina, anus, wherever.  (Incidently, this is why you shouldn't combine any form of flogging etc with blood - sends microscopic drops of blood flying EVERYWHERE - especially a concern if you have an audience).  On the reverse side, that person's immune system is now exposed to a lot.  It doesn't have the normal barriers of skin, saliva, mucus, etc to protect the body from infection, anything can get straight into their bloodstream right there no problem.  This is why when doing blood/needleplay you need to be VERY aware.  Especially if you're the top/dom/active/controlling partner.  You cannot necessarily rely in the receiving partner, a lot of them will go into subspace when doing this level of kink and may not be totally aware or coherent.  YOU have to think, and look, for both of you.

Reducing infection risk is pretty straight forward and obvious.  It's the same thing we've all had when we've gone to the doctors.  All equipment used must be sterile.  Preferably any kind of sharps should be single use and dispoable.  If you stop, and put it down for any reason, discard it and use a new one.  If you're using something again and again, either resterilize it, or make sure you put it somewhere clean and sterile in the first place.  WEAR GLOVES.  this is the simplest way of stopping infection.  Hands are dirty dirty places people. Especially during sex/kink.  Think of all the myriad places you might put them.  Or what you might pick up in your hand.  And where has that bottle of lube been during its lifetime?  Clean things, sterilize them, let them dry, wear gloves, and dispose of anything used PROPERLY.  And wash things clean afterwards.  Don't use soap on fresh wounds it'll just irritate them, just wash with plenty of clean water.  If you're really masochistic you could use surgical spirits or alcohol gel to truly sterilize the area around the wound, but it'll hurt like fuck.

Disposal:
You've been using sharps of some kind, that are now infected with at least one person's blood.  And are still sharp and pointy.  You can't just throw these in the trash people, they'll cut through your bin bag and put someone else's blood into some unsuspecting sap.  And blood is traceable :P  Ideally, all sharps should be disposed of in a sharps bin (you can buy these online - they're smaller versions of the big ones you see in hospitals).  When they're full take them to your local hospital or GP clinic and ask them to dispose of them.  If you have the confidence to do blood/needleplay on someone you should have the confidence to take responsibility for saying "here's a box of needles, please dispose of them safely for me."  Any other contaminated materials should ideally be incinerated.  I appreciate this may not be practical for everyone for whatever reasons, though really its what you should be doing.  As a secondary option, and I stress, SECONDARY, get a thick plastic container, some thick tupperware or the like.  CAREFULLY wrap up the sharp ends of sharps, in newspaper, bubblewrap, tape, etc.  Place the sharps and all contaminated materials into the container.  Seal it, and wrap that up with tape so the lid doesn't come off in the trash.  Write on the container DANGER CONTAINS SHARPS, and then dispose of with your normal trash.  But a sharps bin costs you all of a few £'s so please do this instead.

Maybe this all seems like excessive overkill to you, but frankly, with this kind of kink, at this kind of level, I'd rather be hugely over cautious than end up with a scalpel in someone's spine by accident.  And that leads us nicely to:

What to do when things go wrong:
With luck it hasn't gone too horribly wrong, maybe you cut a little deeper than you intended, or the pain was a little too intense for the receiver, maybe you've noticed a little too much blood than you'd expect, there is a myriad of things that could go wrong with this kind of play, the trick is to stay calm, stay in control, let the controlling partner do their job, and fix the problem as soon as possible.  It might be something really simple like you just happened to get a needle inserting itself right along a nerve ending.  It's unfortunate coincidence but it happens - usually the area goes red and inflammed pretty quickly.  Or it might be worse.  Whatever it is some decent first aid training is gonna come in pretty handy, an understanding of the body's pain response processes and the blood system is gonna be a godsend, and you should already have all the first aid equipment within reach.  Not across the other side of the person's body.  Not on the table behind you.  Next to you.  With everything you need.  Wound dressings, plasters, surgical spirits, swabs, gauze, scissors, AND A PHONE.  I always keep a phone within easy reach just in case things go SERIOUSLY wrong.  You can keep pressure on the wound to stem the bleeding and be on the phone to 999 at the same time as quickly as humanly possible.  Assuming it's just a minor incident, it's just simple first aid and wound dressing.  If it is safe to do so - i.e. it's not gonna cause more problems if you do this, remove whatever you've inserted wherever, and apply pressure as you would to any other wound.  Clean the area, and dress it appropriately.  If it wasn't obvious already if you've got to the point of dressing wounds the scene should have been completely stopped and not continue.  No matter what your sub says.  Remember your sub may still be very much in subspace, they potentially have a lot of chemicals floating in their body from the pleasure/pain responses that your play session has caused so far.  They may not act helpful or be thinking clearly.  And so you have to be the sensible one.  If the wound needs it, get to A&E as quickly as possible after.  Again this may all be over cautious, but needle and bloodplay are very dangerous things when done properly, let alone when things go wrong or if done improperly, so if you're not sure, or uncertain, or unconfident.  DON'T.


That's as much as I'm gonna write on the subject really.  I said I didn't want to get into talking about what sort of things I do and how I go about them because I don't want people to take them as a guide.  You need to learn your own limits, your own interests, and you REALLY need to learn it IN PERSON from someone who knows their stuff already.  This is not something you should be learning over the internet kids.

That said, there are certain resources to go to for more information.

I fully recommend the people at edgeplay.co.uk  They sell lots of supplies very cheaply and they really know their stuff.  They've seen it all, done it all, heard it all, and they are some of the best people to talk to.  I think they're usually at the London Fetish Fair.

Fetlife has some great groups and message boards and a lot of people who have been doing this a long time.  They can help talk to you about interests, resources in your community, best practices and techniques, and they can also give you all the horror stories about BAD instances of blood/needleplay

I myself am happy to talk to people on the subject further, but only in person, the stuff I've told you is about as much as I'm willing to tell you without knowing you're a sane person with half an idea of what they're asking about.


The next post will be on something far more normal, it's basically going to be a guide to being a good bottom.