No longer as truthful as should be deserved, some names, places and events deliberately vague to protect identities that aren't mine

Tuesday, 13 October 2015

Old Habits

Breaking up with the guy I'm not dating, who isn't the guy that's not my boyfriend, and not the guy I'm sleeping with.


Monday, 12 October 2015

Noted Absences.

"...well you two clearly have things you want to say to each other."

Stop being so accurate.

Thursday, 8 October 2015

I Bleed Blue

Tonight it all begins again.
Tonight we start to dream again, to hope, to cry, to hold our breaths as every second counts down.
Every whistle, every face off, every horn.  Every broken stick and check against the boards.
It starts all over again.

The team is ready.  They want it.  Every player has spent the entire week posting how ready to fight they are.  The fans believe again.  We've all mended our broken hearts over the summer and are ready to bleed once more. 

It's games till 6am.  It's heart stopping overtime.  Those can't-look shootouts.  It's the tag on my keys.  It's getting my jersey out once more.  It's the cap I wear and never give up.  Stats and write-ups and scouting reports.  Call-ups and injuries and trade deadlines.

It's all back.  And we're ready.

This is NEW YORK RANGERS hockey.
#superaggressivefb doesn't realise what he could be in for...


Memory Lane

Remember that time pretty much every aspect of my life fell apart at once?

Yeah... not fun.

Saturday, 3 October 2015


"May we recognise with shame the latent cruelty that lurks beneath our human skin and the ease with which we mark as alien other groups and ethnicities of humanity.  May we repent of treating as less than human people we should see as brothers and sisters under God."

I rediscovered these words the other day, given by The Very Reverend Dr John Hall, Dean of Westminster, which were addressed to the congregation at the service commemorating the 70th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz, which I was lucky enough to attend.

Couldn't help but think of the ongoing Syrian refugee crisis, not to say any less of the many other problems currently in the world...

All in all it's just another day now...

Today's Anthem

Friday, 2 October 2015

A small form of courage

I always find one of the hardest, bravest, and most freeing things to do is kiss another guy on the street.

I'm old enough to have grown up thinking being attracted to guys meant a life very unlike what you expected - no marriage, no kids, hiding to a certain degree.  So much of that has changed for the better these days.

Standing on a street corner, kissing my date goodnight.   It shouldn't be anything.  But it is.  It still is.  There are jeers from passersby.  People gawp and tut as they walk past us. 

It's a terrifying thing.  Still.  This isn't even my boyfriend, just a guy I had a nice evening with.  Even with my eyes closed a part of me is constantly alert for the potential aggression.  The tone in the jeer that means we should pull apart for a moment.  The sound of footsteps suddenly running towards us.  Maybe a real threat, maybe just to scare us.  Either way it's there.

I've always been confident on this front.  Defiant.  I'm scared.  Every single time.  Straight people never have to think of this.   I do.  Every time.  But I refuse to be beaten.  I will stand on that corner.   I will kiss him.  Even amongst the cries and unhidden comments.  Meeting the eyes of those who stare.  I am entitled to kiss the person I like.  I have earned the right to be open to love.  Generations stand with me on that street corner.  Scared too.  Defiant too.

It's a simple but powerful thing.  To kiss someone.  The person you like.  We take it for granted.  It's still a rare opportunity in too much of the world.  Gay or straight or anything. 

To kiss someone shouldn't be a protest.  But if it is, I'm all the more determined.