Okay here we go: Bottoming 101 - The Follow Up Post
Apologies this took so long to get out, about 2 days after I wrote my first post all kinds of hell broke loose not only in my own life, but in those of a lot of my friends, and so personal issues are soaking up a lot of my time. Hopefully some of you return to the blog and see this post.
So erm, WOW, is kind of all I have to say. In a week my post got over THIRTY THOUSAND (it looks more impressive when you write big numbers out in words I feel) views. 15,000 of those were in the first 48 hours. My blog got reposted all over the internet, by friends, by randomers, by people working in the sex industry, by porn studios, by all sorts of random people who all saw it and came to my rambling insignificant blog for this one post. I never imagined anything like this would ever happen so THANK YOU, all of you.
Special thanks go to TwisTurtle on twitter for initially reposting on reddit (which is responsible for over 12,000 hits across various sources; giftedmaster, jbttm4u, Josh, and probably a few I've missed out for their corrections, edits, proof reading, and additional comments; and an exceptional thanks goes to Dewitt and the ManhuntDaily blog, who posted an entry devoted to my post. Getting something manhuntdaily worthy is pretty much a crowning achievement in my books as it's one of the best lgbt blogs around as far as I'm concerned, and went beyond my wildest dreams for the post, giving it over 5000 hits from MHD alone and greatly increasing the exposure of the post which then got reposted on a million other different sites.
Thank you to all of you who posted comments, good and bad, I never proclaimed this to be a perfect post, but I'm so immensely grateful that you not only took the time to read everything, but also respond to it. I have seen so many comments from different sites that have posted it, I have got messages and emails and all sorts of things from people and that's been amazing and kind of mind-blowing.
A Commentary on the Commentary:
And now.... whilst I probably should know better than to pay attention to things I read on the internet, here are some responses to the myriad things people have said to me about the post...
Name of the post:
There are many many things I could have called this post and someone would have probably taken exception to it regardless. I chose this title as it was nice and simple and relatively understandable.
Definition of a 'bottom':
Yes I had to assume some level of ground knowledge, i don't have time to define every single noun in my posts, I'm sorry. For this I meant 'receptive partner during anal sex'. Also, that makes no commentary on what postion you might be in, any form of subordination assumed by being the receptive partner, what your household annual income is or any other such nonsense. Those are separate things which I leave you to work out for yourself. Yes I chose to dicuss one particular definition of a word. That's how life works 99% of the time.
Length of post:
Yes, it's long. In fact I'm pretty sure I emphasize this quite clearly in the first 7 words of the post. If you can't be arsed to read long posts, that's your issue i don't need a message telling me it's too long. I wrote it in one go so I posted it in one go. If I split it into separate posts it'd still be just as long you know, be grateful I bothered to split it into separate headings you ungrateful swine! Tell you what, print out a copy, leave it by your bed, and read a single heading each night. There we go, all better now? To be honest, the amount of things I didn't cover I could write an entire hardback book on this subject, but I doubt those people are the kind who read books, so it'd be lost on you still.
Yes it was predominately written for gay men. However, most of the post is applicable to anyone engaging in anal sex, regardless of of gender, gender identity, active/passive role, or sexuality. There might be a few changes in your particular circumstance, but the theory is largely the same.
No the screen width probably isn't formatted properly. Copy, Paste into a text viewer of your choice, Format to your liking. Quit whining like a little bitch before someone shuts you up by shoving a cock in your mouth.
Casual sex versus committed relationships:
Again, the theory applies here regardless really. I am a self confessed slutty bottom boy. I have a lot of sex. Not as much as I'd like, but still... That means I've done this enough to be able to write 7000 words on it. But the advice still applies to first timers or couples who have been together 20 years but have a few questions. Not all of it may be relevant, but some of it probably is.
I said I did not want to lecture on this, I told you to all go be responsible sensible adults and make your own choices, but apparently a large contingent of you feel the need to berate me for my largely scant mention of anything condom related. You know what? IT DOESN'T MATTER. The things I write about apply whether you use condoms or not, hence why I didn't mention them throughout. If you would like the lecture, here it is: Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant, and die.
Some of you said I wasn't clinical enough - i tried to make this post understandable to a wide audience. Those who really want to know the exact names for muscles can refer to their doctor, wikipedia, or the nearest med student. If you want more information, it is out there if you bother to look for it. Some of you said I was too clinical - apologies, I tried to give some of the reasons behind why certain things happen, in an attempt to help people understand their bodies better, and how to get the desired reaction out of them. That does I'm afraid, necessitate some occasional writing about some relatively superficial medical knowledge. You could skip those bits, but then you probably wouldn't get as much out of this post.
A large proportion of the comments were in relation to the douching sections. Apologies if I hadn't made these points clear in my initial post but... you may not need to douche, you may never have problems, you may not care about the odd bit of shit; some of us aren't so blessed. What you eat can indeed help; if you have a good healthy diet, the body does 99% of the work itself, but again, not all of us are so blessed. Yes, douching CAN take a long time, you'll find what works for you and that might only take 10 minutes, but it can take a lot longer depending on what you're doing, how deep you wanna clean out, and what's inside you. My timescales were there to give a rough guide, and so people know that deep cleaning is usually more than a 15 minutes before you go out the door jo. And finally, I in no way give the impression you should be deep cleaning 3 times a week. Not at all. I get questions from people asking how much they can douche before it's a problem however. If you're in Berlin during Folsom Europe, the 3 times a week guideline is probably useful, otherwise I'll assume you're probably not getting sex so often as to need that, or if you are, you probably knew most of the stuff in this guide anyway.
Bottoming does not have to hurt I wrote, and as many of you have commented, it never should, and if it does you should stop. I also wrote words to that effect. As one wise soul did note however, we all make mistakes, at some point, during any kind of sex or just life in general, you have all hurt yourself through either trying and doing something wrong, making a stupid mistake when you know better, or just plain unfortuante circumstance. If you are new to bottoming, you probably will hurt yourself at some point, just like you did when you first tried to climb a tree. Some lucky buggers climb it first time and never fall or get so much as a scratch; they never have done and never will do. The rest of us are reassured by everyone else having done the same idiotic thing, put a plaster on it, and try again another time.
Relevance to you:
In case I didn't make it obvious enough, this is not the be all and end all post, it is not perfect, and it may not be useful for you in the slightest. You all need to go find what works for you, this is a good starting point, but just as with the rest of sex, what works for one person doesn't for another. If you don't like any of this, if you don't agree with it, DON'T DO IT. Move on with your life, and leave me in peace to get fucked.
Time for happier things after that long tirade I feel.
Thank you to all those who have spoken to me about trying the advice in my post. I'm even happier for those who found it worked for them! Some of you are friends who have said to me in person, some of you are randomers I've never met who took the time to send me a message. I wanted to share something and improve people's lives, and I have done. So thank you for telling me that I did.
To all those who have posted further information, you are amazing and are saving me a lot of time and effort. Some of your input I've included in the post, some of it I've left in the comments. Either way thank you. N.B. I make no comment on the veracity of the imformation posted by others, please do your own research, I've already written a small thesis on the subject.
For a start on more information, please see my friend's post here
As I said before, everyone who sent me comments, messages, etc, good and bad, the fact you took time to respond is much appreciated and hopefully let me clarify a lot of things.
Finally to the trans person who commented. AMAZING. And so glad it helped!