No longer as truthful as should be deserved, some names, places and events deliberately vague to protect identities that aren't mine

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Bottoming 101: The Follow Up

EDIT:  This is a follow up to my original post Bottoming 101

A further follow up was posted many years later: Bottoming 201: The Douchening


Okay here we go: Bottoming 101 - The Follow Up Post

Apologies this took so long to get out, about 2 days after I wrote my first post all kinds of hell broke loose not only in my own life, but in those of a lot of my friends, and so personal issues are soaking up a lot of my time.  Hopefully some of you return to the blog and see this post.

So erm, WOW, is kind of all I have to say. In a week my post got over THIRTY THOUSAND (it looks more impressive when you write big numbers out in words I feel) views. 15,000 of those were in the first 48 hours. My blog got reposted all over the internet, by friends, by randomers, by people working in the sex industry, by porn studios, by all sorts of random people who all saw it and came to my rambling insignificant blog for this one post. I never imagined anything like this would ever happen so THANK YOU, all of you.

Special thanks go to TwisTurtle on twitter for initially reposting on reddit (which is responsible for over 12,000 hits across various sources; giftedmaster, jbttm4u, Josh, and probably a few I've missed out for their corrections, edits, proof reading, and additional comments; and an exceptional thanks goes to Dewitt and the ManhuntDaily blog, who posted an entry devoted to my post. Getting something manhuntdaily worthy is pretty much a crowning achievement in my books as it's one of the best lgbt blogs around as far as I'm concerned, and went beyond my wildest dreams for the post, giving it over 5000 hits from MHD alone and greatly increasing the exposure of the post which then got reposted on a million other different sites.

Thank you to all of you who posted comments, good and bad, I never proclaimed this to be a perfect post, but I'm so immensely grateful that you not only took the time to read everything, but also respond to it. I have seen so many comments from different sites that have posted it, I have got messages and emails and all sorts of things from people and that's been amazing and kind of mind-blowing.

A Commentary on the Commentary:
And now.... whilst I probably should know better than to pay attention to things I read on the internet, here are some responses to the myriad things people have said to me about the post...

Name of the post:
There are many many things I could have called this post and someone would have probably taken exception to it regardless. I chose this title as it was nice and simple and relatively understandable.

Definition of a 'bottom':
Yes I had to assume some level of ground knowledge, i don't have time to define every single noun in my posts, I'm sorry. For this I meant 'receptive partner during anal sex'. Also, that makes no commentary on what postion you might be in, any form of subordination assumed by being the receptive partner, what your household annual income is or any other such nonsense. Those are separate things which I leave you to work out for yourself. Yes I chose to dicuss one particular definition of a word. That's how life works 99% of the time.

Length of post:
Yes, it's long. In fact I'm pretty sure I emphasize this quite clearly in the first 7 words of the post. If you can't be arsed to read long posts, that's your issue i don't need a message telling me it's too long. I wrote it in one go so I posted it in one go. If I split it into separate posts it'd still be just as long you know, be grateful I bothered to split it into separate headings you ungrateful swine! Tell you what, print out a copy, leave it by your bed, and read a single heading each night. There we go, all better now? To be honest, the amount of things I didn't cover I could write an entire hardback book on this subject, but I doubt those people are the kind who read books, so it'd be lost on you still.

Gay/Straight bias:
Yes it was predominately written for gay men. However, most of the post is applicable to anyone engaging in anal sex, regardless of of gender, gender identity, active/passive role, or sexuality. There might be a few changes in your particular circumstance, but the theory is largely the same.

No the screen width probably isn't formatted properly. Copy, Paste into a text viewer of your choice, Format to your liking. Quit whining like a little bitch before someone shuts you up by shoving a cock in your mouth.

Casual sex versus committed relationships:
Again, the theory applies here regardless really. I am a self confessed slutty bottom boy. I have a lot of sex. Not as much as I'd like, but still... That means I've done this enough to be able to write 7000 words on it. But the advice still applies to first timers or couples who have been together 20 years but have a few questions. Not all of it may be relevant, but some of it probably is.

I said I did not want to lecture on this, I told you to all go be responsible sensible adults and make your own choices, but apparently a large contingent of you feel the need to berate me for my largely scant mention of anything condom related. You know what? IT DOESN'T MATTER. The things I write about apply whether you use condoms or not, hence why I didn't mention them throughout. If you would like the lecture, here it is: Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant, and die.

Some of you said I wasn't clinical enough - i tried to make this post understandable to a wide audience. Those who really want to know the exact names for muscles can refer to their doctor, wikipedia, or the nearest med student. If you want more information, it is out there if you bother to look for it. Some of you said I was too clinical - apologies, I tried to give some of the reasons behind why certain things happen, in an attempt to help people understand their bodies better, and how to get the desired reaction out of them. That does I'm afraid, necessitate some occasional writing about some relatively superficial medical knowledge. You could skip those bits, but then you probably wouldn't get as much out of this post.

Douching clarifications:
A large proportion of the comments were in relation to the douching sections. Apologies if I hadn't made these points clear in my initial post but... you may not need to douche, you may never have problems, you may not care about the odd bit of shit; some of us aren't so blessed. What you eat can indeed help; if you have a good healthy diet, the body does 99% of the work itself, but again, not all of us are so blessed. Yes, douching CAN take a long time, you'll find what works for you and that might only take 10 minutes, but it can take a lot longer depending on what you're doing, how deep you wanna clean out, and what's inside you. My timescales were there to give a rough guide, and so people know that deep cleaning is usually more than a 15 minutes before you go out the door jo. And finally, I in no way give the impression you should be deep cleaning 3 times a week. Not at all. I get questions from people asking how much they can douche before it's a problem however. If you're in Berlin during Folsom Europe, the 3 times a week guideline is probably useful, otherwise I'll assume you're probably not getting sex so often as to need that, or if you are, you probably knew most of the stuff in this guide anyway.

Bottoming does not have to hurt I wrote, and as many of you have commented, it never should, and if it does you should stop. I also wrote words to that effect. As one wise soul did note however, we all make mistakes, at some point, during any kind of sex or just life in general, you have all hurt yourself through either trying and doing something wrong, making a stupid mistake when you know better, or just plain unfortuante circumstance. If you are new to bottoming, you probably will hurt yourself at some point, just like you did when you first tried to climb a tree. Some lucky buggers climb it first time and never fall or get so much as a scratch; they never have done and never will do. The rest of us are reassured by everyone else having done the same idiotic thing, put a plaster on it, and try again another time.

Relevance to you:
In case I didn't make it obvious enough, this is not the be all and end all post, it is not perfect, and it may not be useful for you in the slightest. You all need to go find what works for you, this is a good starting point, but just as with the rest of sex, what works for one person doesn't for another. If you don't like any of this, if you don't agree with it, DON'T DO IT. Move on with your life, and leave me in peace to get fucked.

Time for happier things after that long tirade I feel.

Thank you to all those who have spoken to me about trying the advice in my post. I'm even happier for those who found it worked for them! Some of you are friends who have said to me in person, some of you are randomers I've never met who took the time to send me a message. I wanted to share something and improve people's lives, and I have done. So thank you for telling me that I did.

To all those who have posted further information, you are amazing and are saving me a lot of time and effort. Some of your input I've included in the post, some of it I've left in the comments. Either way thank you. N.B. I make no comment on the veracity of the imformation posted by others, please do your own research, I've already written a small thesis on the subject.

For a start on more information, please see my friend's post here

As I said before, everyone who sent me comments, messages, etc, good and bad, the fact you took time to respond is much appreciated and hopefully let me clarify a lot of things.

Finally to the trans person who commented. AMAZING. And so glad it helped!


  1. Excellent, informative, and well written

  2. This blog was simply amazing. I wanted to bottom and had no clue how… After reading this, taking my time and tons of lube, I successfully bottomed! And it was f*cking amazing :)

    That said, a few surprises I thought I'd share with other newbies:

    1. Maybe starting with a 8 incher wasn't the best idea. The initial in was nice, when it was all the way in, it was crazy, but the in between was a bit painful. Visualize that sphincter and lube away…
    2. When we were done, it was so intense that I almost passed out when I got up. It could have been from the stress of it (I think I had a sex hangover if that's even possible), although some people can get a "vasavagal response" where you can basically pass out after an intense experience. Not the most common, but get up slowly, breath and have your top get you some water.
    3. You need tons and tons of lube, but remember whatever goes in eventually comes out. The whole butt leakage thing was pretty damn weird (and kinda gross). I think a post douche might help but I'll leave it to the experts to comment.

    I was pretty much a top by default but I'm glad to announce I am now happily vers :)

    Thanks again Konstantine!

    AHB (Anonymous Happy Bottom)

  3. For the longest time I believed that I simply could not enjoy bottoming. I came to the personal realization that sex is really more about the brain, not your cock or ass! I always equated bottoming with being the 'submissive' fem partner and allowing someone else to dominate me physically and emotionally. I thought of myself as a total top. I simply would not allow myself to actually enjoy getting fucked and always insisted verbally that I didn't 'feel' any pleasure when fucked and I simply wanted it over as quickly as possible.

    I now understand the lack of any pleasure was because I had conditioned my brain to believe that bottoming was 'bad' and topping was really what a (gay) man should do! My body just played along and bottoming was not the least bit pleasurable for me. I honestly could not understand what anyone could possibly get out of being a bottom.

    I had to allow myself to be mentally 'honest-- bottoming wasn't being 'less' masculine than topping, Once I allowed myself to fully commit to the act, I had what can only be described as a pure revelation!

    I now find bottoming with my lover to be a truly life altering event! If I never top again, that will be fine, so long as I can have long sessions of his hot cock in my ass!! The feeling is like nothing I have ever experienced in sex- wave after wave of intense pleasure. I am amazed that I can not only take my lover's cock easily inside me but after the necessary slow start, I can have him fuck me as hard as he wants- and boy can he deep stroke! Our previous flip flop sessions were anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes. Now, I can fully enjoy being fucked for an hour and my lover is thrilled that I have become his own private bottom slut!

    Sorry for the long comment- but our brain can truly be our worst enemy and the main obstacle to enjoying what I now believe to be the best sex I have ever experienced!


  4. I have always been a sissy slut bottom I though your post was spot on.
    I love the idea of being in total female garb and have a big thick cock fuck me stupid as if I was a street hooker piece of pussy to his big cock
    My ass has been pretend pussy to several strait men and they always say its the best damn pussy they have ever had in there life and I had one go as far as saying he would rather have me suck him off and fuck my man pussy than to go home to his bitchy wife for her to do it

  5. I'm a female and had been super hesitant about anal sex, ive enjoyed the act in the past but have a certain amount of paranoia about the unclean complications of having it. THanks :)

  6. I'd like to ask what hitting the prostate for the first time feels like. I've been trying with an aneros for about a month now and tried all in, partially in, and in and out motions and all I get is some very slight discharge, which I assume is a little prostate fluid. I'm not quite sure how I should be stimulating and what I should be feeling.