No longer as truthful as should be deserved, some names, places and events deliberately vague to protect identities that aren't mine

Monday, 23 July 2012

You're just too good to be true; can't take my eyes off you...

Many months ago, I was in a rather bad down period, and I shut myself off from everyone for a few weeks. Because I needed to, because dealing with myself was enough of a struggle, let alone trying to read social situations, act appropriately in them, respond when spoken to, even amongst people I didn't have to pretend I was okay with.

I was still going to work, because the advantage of my work meant if necessary I could close myself off from everyone and just delegate everything that involved actually dealing with people, so I didn't need to take time off from that.  And very very slowly I started to get better.

And one night, a friend invited me out after work.  It was just gonna be a few people, that I knew well, and they knew me and my crazy pretty well.  I wouldn't really have to socialize in any real way.  And I warned them I'd probably just stand in the corner and watch the proceedings.  But it was a start.  It would get me back out in the world and dealing with other people.  Baby steps and all that

So after work I hauled my ass across London and walked into the bar, my friend who had invited me saw me and came and gave me a hug and had the sense not to ask in depth about how I was or force me to talk to people or anything.

And then two other people joined our group that I didn't know.  Two of the most perfectly beautiful boys I have ever met in my entire life.  They were both jaw droppingly stunning.

And my head was in such a screwed up state as it was, added to the standard intimidation around cute boys that you fancy multiplied by the fact these were two of the hottest guys I've ever met, that I wasn't even able to say "hi" or introduce myself for the next few hours, despite the fact we were clearly part of the same social group.

I've since got to know them both; I know their names and they know mine.  And they are still two of the most beautiful people I have ever met, and I still have to secretly keep my jaw from falling to the floor every time one of them walks in the room, and I still wrack my brain every time I see them just to think of something interesting to say to give me an excuse to talk to them.

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