Ampersand

One of the things I hate about growing up, especially around this age of twenty-something, is you stop being your own person.  You stop having the opportunity to go visit a friend at 2300, and stay up drinking, and watching shitty films, and bitching about life until 1000, before both crashing out curled up with each other, even though there's nothing between you, it's just got to that point of things.  You become a part of someone else.  People get boyfriends and girlfriends, and move in with them, and buy houses, and it all stops being possible.  Someone always has to work the next day, or someone's partner is always there too, or coming home at 2300, or 0200 if you're lucky, but they're coming home.  You can't let yourself properly go with your friends anymore, not the way you used to, because even if both a friend and their partner are the closest people to you, the mere fact there's two instead of one changes the entire dynamic and interactions of the time together.  My friend Jme, who granted, I wouldn't see much anyway, has officially settled down.  He owns a fucking country cottage with his high school sweetheart.  He spends his weekends painting the fucking bedroom and putting up new fucking fences in the garden.  I love him, but time with him now tends to follow the inevitable 'how are your parents, how's your brother doing at school/work, how's city life, how's country life' etc.  Give it 2 or 3 years and it'll be 'how're the kids'.

And pretty soon, I'll be one of these people.  I'll move in with my boyfriend, which is great and all, regular sex, a bigger DVD collection, free hugs, someone to cook when I've had a bad day... All. That. Jazz.  And yet... even if we agree one night a week where one of us will be out, so we can both have time to ourselves, so we can have the flat to ourselves for a bit, so we can invite a friend over for the evening, it's just that.  It's for the evening.  And Chris isn't one for spending the entire night out as it is.  And my pool of friends that I can do that with is practically non-existent these days.  There's a million and one little adjustments to make.  We both like to listen to music throughout our day, and whilst we get on well enough with each other's music (though maybe not him so much with my cheesy pop for 8 hours at a time), we very much like our own music, and suddenly it'll be a choice of not being in the same room, or sharing the music.  I'm usually up late, he's not.  Either I can go to bed with him, keep him up, make him tired and cranky, and then still lie awake for 3 more hours before I finally manage to fall asleep, or I can be in a different room and have to climb into bed separately to him ever night so I can play games or listen to some music whilst I write stupid blog posts, or I can be in the same room, with low light, and no sound.

Maybe it's time to invest in a pair of wireless headphones....



Music: Still listening to Einaudi so won't post more.  However, whilst this post was not inspired by, it certainly relates to, the sentiment expressed in this song, hence the title of this post.