Thrive

You probably know I pick my words very carefully.  My choice of one word over another is usually intentional, reasoned, planned.

'Survive' is a word I've come to hate.  It's something people have come to expect of me.  Friends, partners, strangers.  I'm unfortunately very good at surviving.  Against most things other people wouldn't.  I have this detestable habit of always landing on my feet.  It's not an ability I'm proud of, or even try to make happen.  When I seek medical help, it counts against me - despite depression, suicidal thoughts, hearing voices, the fact I survive - I get up, I go to work, I put food in me - gets me written off as someone who will cope, eventually, sooner or later.  It might get bumpy, but I'll come out the other end of it by myself somehow.  The mere use of the word is enough to get me angry these days.  You'd be impressed at the amount of sheer vitriol I can put into a single word when I have to say it.  I utterly hate the word, and the concept..

With that in mind, and the caveat that currently, I'm not so sure how sold I am on the title word of this song, I give you Switchfoot's Thrive:

Been fighting things that I can't see
Like voices coming from the inside of me and
Like doing things I find hard to believe in
Am I myself or am I dreaming?

I've been awake for an hour or so
Checking for a pulse but I just don't know
Am I a man when I feel like a ghost?
The stranger in the mirror is wearing my clothes

No, I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
A steering wheel don't mean you can drive
A warm body don't mean I'm alive

No, I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
Feel like I travel but I never arrive
I wanna thrive not just survive

I come alive when I hear you singing
But lately I haven't been hearing a thing and
I get the feeling that I'm in between
A machine and a man who only looks like me

I try and hide it and not let it show
But deep down inside me I just don't know
Am I a man when I feel like a hoax?
The stranger in the mirror is wearing my clothes

No, I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
A steering wheel don't mean you can drive
A warm body don't mean I'm alive

No, I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
Feel like I travel but I never arrive
I wanna thrive not just survive

I'm always close, but I'm never enough
I'm always in line, but I'm never in love
I get so down, but I won't give up
I get so down, but I won't give up
I get so down, but I won; t give up

Been fighting things that I can't see
Like voices coming from the inside of me and
Like doing things I find hard to believe in
Am I myself or am I dreaming?

Am I myself or am I dreaming?
Am I myself or am I dreaming?

Thrive, thrive, thrive, yeaah, thrive

No, I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
A steering wheel don't mean you can drive
A warm body don't mean I'm alive

No, I'm not alright
I know that I'm not right
Feel like I travel but I never arrive
I wanna thrive not just survive
I wanna thrive not just survive

Yeah yeah
Feel like I travel but I never arrive
I wanna thrive not just survive
I wanna thrive not just survive
I wanna thrive not just survive

Feels like I travel but I never arrive
I wanna thrive not just survive