No longer as truthful as should be deserved, some names, places and events deliberately vague to protect identities that aren't mine

Wednesday 7 July 2010

Crappy assed vampires

So Twilight is like the suckiest movie series ever.  Really.  It's like the Young Adult version of a Mills & Boon novel where one of the boys in the love triangle was born with some form of medical defect that gives him sharp pointy teeth and a permanent need for fashion contact lenses.

For those, like me, who previously cared not one iota for this lameass attempt at a novel/film/career concept, the 3rd instalment of it was released this past week.  Terence made me watch the first two last week and they were dull as hell.  And then as its $6 movie tuesday in the US, we went to see the new one tonight.  For some reason the ex was invited along, which meant no getting to enjoy being in a movie theatre with Terence at the least, god dammit.  Who in the hell's crappy idea was that?!  Also, apparently my spellchecker does not have the word 'movie' in it, huh?!

Eclipse managed to do something I didn't think was possible - it was suckier than the 2 previous ones COMBINED.  Seriously.  I mean this is supposed to be the big vamps vs. weres film, where things actually happen finally, and everything starts to come together and the boys fight it out over the unattractive prepubescent 'i'm so hardcore' girl's heart and such, and what it actually was, was 2 hours of filler, of back aand forth, and warning glaredowns and awkward shy 'i know that you know that i love that you love that you know that i know that you love that i love you' for a 5 minute fight scene which was pretty much one sided and boring aside from a few bits of head wrenching.  There were some entertaining lines of dialogue, mostly the ones that pretty much broke the 4th wall concept.  And the bride vampire and dakota fanning 'i am the evil bitch from hell who will hunt you to your death across the 4 corners of the globe and then kill your family in front of you just for shits and giggles' were AMAZING and i want to be them.  But that aside, it was COMPLETE BULLSHIT.

Unfortunately, I've now seen 3 twilight films, and there's 4 books.  Which means at some point, I am going to have to go see the next film to find out exactly what happens, even though I know it'll be 2.5 hours of my life that I will never get back and can't even trade in for store credit after death.  This probably means I will  be dragging Chris, by virtue of playing the boyfriend card.  Sorry in advance.  It's either that, or I'll have to come out to the US again and see Terence to go see the film.  And I think we know which is the lesser of the two evils there.

Its stupidly hot here, even LA is like 25F cooler for some reason.  As a result Terence has decided to drag the mattress into the ex's room as it has air conditioning.  WHAT.  THE.  FUCK.  Can you say awkward/inappropriate/holyfuckingmotherofgodwhatareyouon?  Seriously dude, NOT cool.

Anyway, I feel sleepy, so I'm going to curl up in bed whilst Terence plays WoW, and try to make it not look like what it is, let alone more than...

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