Death becomes her

An update on the family funeral dead nan situation.

So we went to the funeral last thursday; it was kinda bizzare and wierd.  everyone was sort of there out of some wierd obligation, but not the obligation that she was a mother, or sister, or family or anything, i'm not sure what it was, but we were all there nonetheless.

The theiving aunt, her husband, and her sons completely blanked us, and refused to talk to us, even when they had to walk right up to us to say hi to other relatives who were there and we were talking to.  The only person they did talk to was my dad, who went up to them as the executor of the will and a big argument which my dad refuses to elaborate on ensued.  Sandra's daughter, Marie, was good enough to say hi and give me a hug though, which was nice, as I'm quite fond of her.  Her son callum sort of said hi, but he's 13, so the antisocial grunt was probably more a feature of his age, than him trying to avoid social contact with me cause of some family dispute.

During the service, we learnt what a wonderful, giving person my nan was, how she brought so much love and compassion in to the lives of everyone she touched...  My mum and I were sitting in the third row and trying very hard to stifle a fit of the giggles.  Everyone else, whilst nowhere near crying, at least had the courtesy to maintian a completely impassive neutral expression throughout the surface.  My mum left halfway through to take care of my crying nephew Will (he's only 1, so it's allowed to disrupt services with crying),  and to deal with her giggling fit.

Sandra and Pete had completely cut everyone else out of the service, the vicar barely even acknolwedged the fact that my nan had 2 other daughters, and the programme said Sandra and family would like to thank everyone....  It was entertaining.

Immediately after the service we left.  No waiting around to thank the vicar or say hello to people, straight to the car, straight to a different pub to the one everyone else was planning on going to.


Good things, were I got to see my auntie rosie again, who I think is my great nan's sister.  Like my great nan, she's a fucking amazing woman, of the sort women around the age of 100 tend to be, crazy as fuck of course, but so wonderful to talk to.

I also got to see my cousins Spencer and Jim.  These are Susan and Brian's children.  I can never get over how much Spence (yes, my family is that classy, he's called Spence) looks like my brother Tom.  Of course this makes perfect sense.  Spence's mother is the sister of Tom's mother.  Spence's father is the brother of Tom's father.  It's a very very similar mix of genes, but still, it throws me.

My mum's always convinced I don't know the extended side of her family.  I always have to point out I do, and no, not cause I saw them at the last funeral; I met them all when I was about 6 at my auntie rosie's 80th birthday, even the ones that otherwise avoid us, such as Spence and Jim.  I would always recognise Spence if I bumped into him in the street, despite the fact I've probably met him for a total of 6 hours in my entire life.

Finally, the big entertainment of the day, was some old photos.  Shirley, who probably everything representing god's failed first attempt at creating a human, had a wedding album amongst the photos.  She looked semi attractive, for the day at least, and the guy she was wedding looked alright.  Of course everyone's instinctual reaction was "Who on earth did Shirley manage to trick into marrying her, the poor guy".  At this point, the oft forgotten fact was brought up, that Shirley moved in the same circles as the Kray twins.  Her husband, was in fact, a Kray gangster.  Ah, that explains it.  We also then posited the theory that the real reason behind the downfall of the Kray empire, was in fact due to Shirley gradual and unrelenting assault on the very essence of their souls.

Also, the mystery of Shirley's provenance was reinforced.  Due to Shirley's age, she was either my great nan's daughter, and thus my nan's sister, but had about 15 years after my nan and my aunt rosie were born.  Or she was my nan's daughter, and had about 15 years before my mum and her 2 sisters were born, likely out of wedlock.  Both my nan and great nan refused to ever talk about this subject, and the Shirley's birth certificate has never been found.  The wedding album, which had been bought by my nan, was in my great nan's set of photos, and was inscribed with the title 'Our daughter's wedding'.  The great family secret continues...